2095-2099

 2095. liquid chlorophyll. a random remedy i found to help improve my health, take in more oxygen, and maybe even help promoting weight loss..i feel like a little plant! 

2096. i am thankful that maybe a year from now, there will be change. i have been dragging my whole body, abusing it and being careless with it..weight gain, intaking junk food, lack of self control and self discipline. I am praying for a change. for the strength to have a transformation from the inside out. I am thankful for what God has done and what He will continue to do. 

2097. i have two feet and two legs. what a gift to put them to use and go take a 45 minute walk early in the morning or any tim really. 

2098. thankful for the fruit of the spirit, self control. i can utilize this and say no to tempting things, like sugar and pop. I can utilize self control in not helping myself to second and thirds. i can practice self control to graciously decline. 

2099. thankful for my 11 year old son coming to me on his own accord to apologize and come to me with a contrite spirit. i don't ever want to take his sensitive heart for granted. Lord continue to cultivate that in him. 

2088-2094

2088. oh, that glorious sun!!! what an incredible gift after 20+ days without it! It brings life, joy, and thaws what has been frozen

2089. walks outside, when my boy holds my hand with his little one, walking side by side, taking in the world around us. 

2090. the ability to walk. sturdy legs. wobbly knees, but they work. i can walk. on my own. that is a gift. my legs have taken me so many places. i am so thankful. 

2091. unexpected phone calls. chats with a friend. using the phone for one of its original purposes. 
where have those days gone?

2092. once again, i find myself in awe and awash with a new gratitude for my husband. who am i that God would give me such a personal gift. he encouraged me today with his thoughtfulness, his generosity, his gentle wisdom, his kindness-alll of this showed up in different ways, in the mundane, but really, quite extraordinary. Lord, let me not take what You have so abundantly given, for granted. praise to You.

2093. fresh cucumbers and carrots.

2094. 29 days of 60 days of consistently carving time for physical activity. i have walked, climbed steps, done home workouts, rigorous cleaning around the house, lifted weights, all sorts of stuff and it has made a good difference in me overall in my health journey. so thankful to keep up this habit and turn it into a daily lifestyle.

2095. thankful that sickness has been fairly mild in our household this winter. Lord let that be for the remainder.

2082 - 2087

2082   the day after thanksgiving. cleaning, christmas-decorating, gift-wrapping, background music, lights, + a calming candle scent.

2083   breakfasts at anna's house.

2084   documentaries that inspire me to continue to take care of myself.

2085   plant-based meal plans: jackfruit tostadas, sweet potato + black bean quesadillas, avocado toast, spelt pancakes, power protein balls, and hearty soups.

2086    dreams of winter getaways to warm places.

2087   microwaveable corn sack to warm up the cold toes.

2076-2081

2076. a mini reunion with the Zambia team. same unifying playful spirit. friendships have been forged and it is encouraging to see them remain consistent. we shared joys and how God moved and continues too. i really love my church 

2077. an official job offer for nathan at crossroads, at least for 2 years, and that prospect inpires and excites us. thankful for the opportunity, thankful for the invitation, and thankful to dig deeper in the community and God centered life at crossroads. 

2078. making monster cookies with ben. thankful he wants to near me, that he verbalizes his love for me, his affection is not sparce, and he has a special place in his heart for his mom. i know it may not always be this way, so i am trying ti cherish it now

2079. watching Koko bag groceries without being asked or prompted. seeing her serve, help out where she can, she is growing so fast and i am enjoying watching her grow into a kind and thoughtful young lady 

2080. the ability to see long distance with both my eyes with no contacts, no glasses, is nothing short of a miracle. i just had laser eye surgery on the left eye and yes, it was scary, but it has made a tremendous difference in my sight! I am so thankful for modern technology, for access to even getting this done, for a kind and skillful doctor, and for new eyes!! i can see!!

2081. long last night talks with mom and dad. i appreciate them so much more than i ever did. more and more each day. 

2069 - 2075

2069   a day of being very engaged with the little ones. puzzles, books, and pre-school conversations.

2070   wil's pride regarding potty training. and his new-found independence with everything else as well.

2071   the progress belita has made with spanish and reading, her excitement for the language.

2072   amazing friendsgiving dinner. my joy to look around at everyone connecting with one another, real meaningful conversations, laughter, everyone full of community and a meal that turned out just perfect.

2073   intermittent fasting and a new motivation for exercise.

2074   conversations with friends that generate ideas, spark interest, produce life and curiosity and purpose.

2075   i've prayed for john mayer for years, and then to learn yesterday that he's given up porn and speaks out on it's negative effects. now if he would only fall in love with Jesus...

2065 - 2068

2065. women's retreat weekend, a true gift when a girl just needs to be refreshed.

2066. gina rose. encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing + affirmation that my investment matters.

2067. belita walks into the kitchen where I'm typing.
"miss tammy?"
"yes my dear?"
"I love you."
holding back tears. but I so needed to hear that today.

2068. gluten free, curse of the goat (pizza) - goat cheese, sauce with just the right amount of spice, goat cheese (hold the mozzarella), herbed sausage crumbles, peppadew peppers, fresh basil

2061-2064

2061. the healing relationship with my oldest son. this past month has been hard and stretching with dad gone a lot, but ben and i have worked really well together to keep the house sane. he has been my right hand, helping with out being asking, tending to children and pouring cereal and making sure the baby doesn't spray himself with pepper spray. he has been verbally encouraging and gentle, affirming me as mom and he must have told me he loved me 1000 times un solicited. it is making my heart soar because we had a hard season between the two of us clashing, butting heads, fighting for authority and the upper hand. and here, now, God has been gracious and given us both eyes to see and serve one another. thank you so much God. i cannot praise You enough. i love my son and you have given me some more time with him as the tender, thoughtful, purposeful son i know. i don't know if it will always be this way, but for now i am so so thankful.

2062. with nate being gone a ton, [Philippines, jury duty, unveil workshop], i have had to rely on the kindness and helpfulness of others, sometimes even strangers. at the mall i got stuck in the mucky heavy snow, my wheels spinning. a young mom got out of her car and singlehandedly pushed me out. 
i would still be sitting there if it were't for her. friends offered to bring groceries. another sent a hot pizza anonymously to our doorstep when we were snowed in. a babysitter came so i could at least get one night out with a friend, that meant a lot. my dear neighbor Fritz shoveled me out of my driveway after the snow blowers came and boxed me in. he did that many times as the snow fell. i am just floored at these acts of kindness, acts of selflessness, a reminder that i am seen by the Father and He cares about me. 

2063. heat. power. electricity. these should not be taken for granted as we've seen this past week or so how quickly they can be taken away! hot water is always a gift. 

2064. a husband who recognizes, acknowledges, and calls out appreciation and sacrifice in me, when i did not ask or look for it, he encourages, uplifts, and is generous with words of affirmation. gifts upon gifts. 

2065. a small flame of motivation to keep on with this long weightless journey, to keep up the work, and practice self control and discipline. 

2053-2060

2053. they had to leave a little early. a much needed blessing in disguise

2054. gigantic mason jars filled with lemons, cucumbers, ginger and water.

2055. this very blog, a reminder to give thanks continually, counting gifts, combating entitlement and discontent with a spiritual act of thanksgiving

2056. good old fashioned heart to hearts on the old fashioned phone. a reminder that i matter to her and she matters to me

2056. lots and lots of sister and mom and cousin time this season. it's fun to be home for Christmas.

2057. tickets have been purchased for the long awaited United Arab Emirates! i can not wait!

2058. thankful for a renewed united front concerning the budget. we are on the same page, both have a desire to save and refrain together, and build, invest, plan, and dream about the future. together. 

2059. thankful and relieved the Christmas eve service went well, by God's grace and mercy. 

2060. news of new life brewing inside a womb. overflowing with joy for this new mom. 

2046-2052

2046. unplugged time. an examination of the heart, open handed and a softness towards correction. i am willing. and thankful to learn in the process.

2047. baby cheeks, baby smiles, baby giggles. a joyful baby boy who is healthy and strong.

2048. a few months a way from brand new contacts and glasses! thankful for a working eye.

2049. rhythm and grace. 

2050. a steadfast husband. he is truly the kindest, most gentlest, most compassionate man. brimming with humility. thoughtfulness. so unselfish. i can not, will not, get over it. undeserved.

2051. soft talks with mother in law that only benefit, rather than slide us further backwards. encouraged more so than i have been in a long time.

2052. tiny demitasse cups and teeny tiny spoons to match.

2043 - 2045

2043  thursday night small group. shared hunger to know God's words and to pursue Him together.  grace for my weaknesses, genuine concern for one another's burdens and the ability to celebrate together

2044  a healthy work environment with people who seek humility and exude joy. grateful for all of the laughter and side heart-conversations

2045  admiration for a life and heart with so much integrity. assertive + vulnerable + kind, patient + wise + strong. i'm humbled that i can have this time to learn with wide-eyes that God has reserved those like-minded people, and they're worth waiting for.

2036-2042

2036. vicks kleenex!!! i could inhale them all day every day. who invented these?! 

2037. eucalyptus, eucalyptus, eucalyptus! 

2038. thursday mornings. we trickle in, we trickle out. we sip hot beverages and hearts spill out. the good. the hard. no reason to hold back. it is a safe place.

2039. sunshine today. i love rainy days too, but thankful to experience both..

2040. coming home to a clean house, lovingly done so by my  husband. thoughtful, serving, and a sweet i'm sorry for the hurt i caused heard loud and clear..

2041. new seasons! Nathan's acceptance into the Masters Program, baby's due date, winter coming, wedding season coming to a close..

2042. thoughtful unexpected gifts from others for no reason

2028-2035

2028. beginning to see the fruits of this new purposeful lifestyle of slowing down, de throning busyness, and learning to say no. it has yielded peace, rest, quiet time with jesus, and quality time with my family as well as a renewed passion to care for my home well. 

2029. a gorgeous fall day for family pictures. rolling green hills, soft warm weather, and plush autumn colors vibrantly shining. countryside, untouched. a perfect gift. 

2030. travel is used for quality time for our family. thankful that it brings us close and snug, in the car, on the road, listening to podcasts, eating packed lunches, laughter, good conversations, and exploring and adventuring together. 

2031. fresh eucalyptus bringing bits of life to my table, tied in a bunch in my shower, opening up my passageways and the steamy scent is heavenly. little wonderful gifts. 

2032. genuine consistent friendships that don't go anywhere no matter the circumstance. 

2033.  a beautiful brand new hand made robe, turquoise and giant floating florals, i'd been looking around for the perfect one for my hospital stay and post birth, and a friend generously surprised and gifted me with the perfect one!! a tiny desire of my heart that i hadn't even spoke to anyone about, and yet God knew and it felt like such a personal kind gift.

2034. the ability to smell. 

2035. God, You are so good and faithful. thank you for seeing me, knowing me, and being such a gentle Shepherd. thank you for your unconditional love, your loving kindness, and hiding me under your wings. You are my Shelter, my Tower, my Shield. i love You so much. 

2020-2027

2020. after a disheartening talk cut short, a new evening rolls in with second chances and upbeat spirits. three children who chose to change sour attitudes, eat all their dinner with determination [eating fresh farm vegetables and sausage is pretty tough stuff in the kid world], and having plenty of time to play before bed..so thankful and proud of them for turning the night around with good fruits of the spirit

2021. husband arriving home late with gifts: a new plant pet, english toffee, french butter, and words of missing me when he's not with me. perhaps small, but speaks volumes to me. much needed and appreciated.

2022. friends who share burdens. feel the safety of pouring out guts and weaknesses, and equally eager to carry the weight of mine as well..

2023. the ability to say no is empowering. and a gift. i never want to take it for granted.

2024. yet again, the gift of keeping up with a clean kitchen. daily act of worship

2025. a generous joyful friend offering her home and laundry room while she's gone right at a time that mine is broken and trekking to the laundromat feels overwhelming. generous people always teach me to be more generous. 

2026. a beautiful bassinet, again borrowed from a generous friend, but perfect for this season for our new baby boy. an answer to prayer really. 

2027. slowly but surely, his little nursery is coming..can't wait to meet this littlest gift. 9 weeks left! 

2011-2019

2011. peppermint tea, the rich aromatics before the first sip, and the calm it brings to my stomach 

2012. fettuccine alfredo, stir fried vegetables, grilled chicken, bread, whipped butter, ginger beer-a delicious soul meal made by many hands with love 

2013. ride on the grand river, puttering along, taking in the colors, the quiet ripples of the water, enjoying time with family and friends 

2014.  keeping up with cleaning the kitchen. every day. [enjoying the gift for now..who knows how long it will last]

2015. helpful hands that belong to my children. 

2016. consistent faithful long term friendships

2017. thankful for a counselor that continues to speak gospel to me, who coaches and encourages, who helps me navigate and equip me for the outside world, who teaches me how to have boundaries, how to keep depression in check, and genuinely cares about me. 

2018. speaking of depression, thank you Father for pulling me away from the dark place and quietly consistency drawing me into the light..all glory to You God. you sustain and uphold and you are ever present. 

2019. belly bands and brand new kicks that provide amazing support to my tired heavy body. 

2005 - 2010

2005 a few hours with max, chelsea, football, ikea, and millybaby. joy and life there, and the reminder that the most beautiful relationships take a lot of work

2006 challenging words from my doctor to get with the Lord and seek the cause of anxiety, grateful for holistic care that focuses on the whole person - body, mind, spirit

2007 rosy mound hike with matty and talk about gospel and isaiah and holiness and humbleness

2008 saturday morning at the farmers market, moist gluten free bread and the best textured french toast i've ever had. not to mention the sweet lady selling her goods with delight and kindness

2009 fall colors in the trees at every turn, crisp morning and evening air, warm afternoons, layers

2010 hand-trimmed bushes along the fence at home

1994-2004

1994. a simple counting of gifts, a gentle reminder from chelsea, keeps discontent, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed at bay. 

1995. coming home to a house full of gifts. spotless floors, a sparkling bathroom, a new floor mat, flowers peeking in the window, a decluttered fridge, washed and folded laundry, new cleaning supplies, and a patched roof. un deserved gifts from generous neighbors 

1996. a full week before chaos with concentrated family time. loose agendas, ample sunshine, plush hotels and included hearty breakfasts, spending time with our three children before #4 comes and our family grows and readjusts..i needed this time before disney, as i knew it wouldn't be the same kind of vacation

1997. a supportive, understanding husband who is willing to be my advocate and will do what is in my best interest in order to care for me well, both emotionally and physically 

1998. encouraging responses to me sharing my heart and what i learn. thankful people even care about me or my small words 

1999. getting invited to a party i would never think i would have a seat to

2000. small break throughs with a friend i have been struggling to see godly fruit currently. watching in pain, but seeing maybe pain itself is what will bring her to her knees in desperate need for Him and not leaning on her own image or ability to get her by..

2001. a sweet cheerful daughter who is a cherry blossom, full of chatter, a box full of giggles, and is just blossoming before our very eyes. loving her age and all that she is learning 

2002. time in the car with dad. even though my physical weakness brought us there early, thankful for his willing ness to escort me there, to give respite to my aching back and legs, and easy going conversation and company to help the time pass

2003. amazing flights/traveling home. on time flights, well behaved children. time to eat, walk, and get in and out of the bathroom. flying into grand rapids instead of having to drive home from chicago after 2 flights and a layover. a van that started. the Lord was good to us above and beyond what we asked.

2004. homemade coffee from the Kuerig, with plenty of cream. i like coffee weather. 

1985-1993

1985. sitting on the floor, brown hands upon brown hands, in prayer together.

1986. expressed love and affection spoken through words. out loud. 

1987. friends who understand.

1988. surprise visit from mom. steady. faithful. gentle.

1989. cold milk spilled over raisin bran. extra sugar. 

1990. no bleeding so far. good sign.

1991. a peaceful joyful mother's day. 

1992. turning in my assignment on time. 

1993. the ability to even count gifts amidst the dry season. there are always gifts to be found. always.

1977-1984

1977. positive pregnancy test. i usually fail most tests. it's nice to pass once in a while

1978. a consistent, steadfast, God centered, peaceful marriage. By His grace, my marriage is a safe, joyful place, and i am so thankful that God cloaks it in His generous mercy and love. 

1979. thankful my son is thriving once again, stepping out of a hard spot of anxiety, fear, and sadness. watching the smart, bright, inquisitive, eager to learn boy emerge back out without losing his thoughtfulness or tenderness..Lord, continue to keep Your protective and kind hand on him..

1980. a season where after so long of being poured into, blessed beyond measure, plenty or learning and growing time, to now take it and pour back out. i have been given much. a joy to give in return. nothing of my own ability, but Christ in me. 

1981. reconciliation.restoration.a healthy Godly love emerging in my two friends. for this we prayed. and He has answered.graciously. generously 

1982. His provision. He meets our needs. He takes care of us. Every good gift is from Him alone. 

1983. releasing. the unfolding of strong grips on things that don't belong clinging in my hands. the ability to hold things loosely. 

1984. my three babies. i love them so much. i love being with them. i love being close to them. they bring me delight and joy. i learn so much through the gift of being their mother. 

1971- 1976

1971 re-learning rest - having given in to busyness, the reason why almost 11 months have passed since i've listed. that's not to say that I have't recognized gifts, but it's telling that the time it takes to type and list these things has been low priority. this week of "spring break" and cutting down from 50+ hours of work/week to just 18 feels like life again. it's that rest that God talks about in genesis on the seventh day when rest isn't the 24-hours of laziness that we tend to think rest should mean, but its an intentional time taken out of the week, holy, distinct from the other days, different in that God sat on His throne when He rested and managed all of his creation. He took up the reigns and organized and prioritized and took authority over His life. and its what i've felt called to for quite a while now, and this week has been that gift that i have needed. praise Him. 1972 house-sitting. retreat. a home away from home. so much rest and safety and thinking space. and ferret company. 1973 a sunroof. 1974 coat-free, snow-free walks, blue skies, return of sun and all things happy 1975 dr. axe. i'm not joking. this man and his website has been a gift, wrapped all sparkly with a bow and a tag and my name on it. so many times the respite and clarity that i've needed. www.draxe.com FYI 1976 lent. the favorite time of every year. its raw and delicate and reveals the heart and it's humbling and ugly and i remember - i need Jesus. i can't do this by myself. i can't love people very well - from the secret attitudes of my heart to the very words that come from my mouth. i need the influence and perspective of this Man who loves unconditionally and fearlessly and without concern for self-preservation and self-promotion.

1959-1970

1959. homemade indian food tucked lovingly in a tupperware for my drive home

1960. a willingness and eagerness to be helped at the last minute. to not feel like a burden or an obligation. this. is a gift to me.

1961. a starbucks gift card left in the car for the drive home

1962. smooth flights to and from the middle east

1963. copper everything.

1964. rose gold everything

1965.  fresh flowers. brand new candles.

1966. love notes even after 9 years of marriage

1967. tea and camel shaped shortbread

1968. starting a new class on monday evenings. excited to learn and connect.

1969. the familiar smell and feeling of being returned back to my own bed. nothing like it.

1970. face time to lebanon