1928-1934

1928. one strong eye to hold me up while the other gets fixed

1929. the ability to use my other senses, sound, smell, taste, to feel and experience. i appreciate the others when one is weakened

1930. so thankful for the many gifts of food and help offered by friends from church, family close by, phone calls, texts, prayers, Facebook messages, all avenues lifting us up during this time. i am undeserving and humbled. who am i.

1931. a medium rare steak seasoned well in butter and herbs, served on a sizzling platter along with generous sides of loaded potatoes and grilled onions...totally hit the spot and totally worth coming out of hiding even if it was to a  greasy spoon. no one could care less about the blind girl in the corner and that's just how i liked it.

1932. the opportunity for my husband to show me he chooses me over work. i didn't have to have that proven to me, but my quiet insecure flesh is glad it was. his service to me is countless and immeasurable. all i know it is in abundance and i am incredibly thankful for this gift. because that's what it is-a present i do not deserve yet given freely. 

1933. another chance to be broken. to be made small. to let go of things i might have clung too tightly too. to fix my eyes on Jesus, and pursue Him in the dark place. another chance for Him to shine His glory and to make me more holy as He sanctifies me and cleans me out. 

1934. my children. so thankful for them, my heart aches that i can't mother them like normal or hold them and look them in the eye..yet they are resilient and helpful, they are gentle and caring towards me. i am so proud of their little tiny developing characters. 

1935. tangibles. like this chair i am sitting in that allows my head to rest in a little hole and give relief to my neck so i can still type and read..or my massage table that i spend hours flat on my face on, another hole to stick my head in. it's all so boring and mundane, but it would be 324546x less comfortable without these things. 

1936. a visit willingly and eagerly given by one of my favorites, the little great shepherd. his gentle voice full of tenderness for me, his sitting near me, stroking my hands and my arms in gentle affection, encouraging me and my husband in this desert, taking the time to drive all the way to our house and sit on our couch. to pray with us. to be unrushed and in no particular hurry. what a precious precious gift. 

1937. and others. so many people that i love are pouring love onto me by coming and sitting with me. i feel so unworthy of their time and attention, yet they are here, representing Christ and His affection for me, his baby servant. i am so so thankful.

1938. an amazing competent high ranking doctor and surgeon. who actually cares about me and the outcome of my eye. love his jewish fieriness and yet compassionate generous heart. 

1921-1927

1921. a successful flight, on my own, traveling from grand rapids to California, arriving safely and stretching a little bit in the independent department 

1922. a gorgeous drive up to Lake Tahoe, special time with mom and dad english, getting them all to myself

1923. attending a surprisingly fun and enjoyable wedding- not because i don't like weddings, but because i was unsure of who i would know or worried if i was out of place or it would be awkward. it was none of those things! so fun hanging out with my cousins and aunt and uncle, even making new friends with people i used to know a long time ago. 

1923. an open bar which again, challenged me to be an adult and confidently walk up to the counter asking for "a gin and tonic please."

1924. deliriously sunny weather every day, and a perfect sunday to sleep in, wine taste and two if my favorite vineyards with mom and dad, picnic, learn about wine, and just a abundance of love and contentment. 

1925. knowing my kids are safe and loved back at home wth my own folks and even nathan watching them a little too..

1926. finding peace in placing ben in a school we feel good about. 

1927. olive's skin! it's actually soft and clear once in a rarity!! 

1908-1920.

1908. summer mornings where I can stay in bed a little longer than usual.

1909. Michigan lakes. so refreshing w all these hot summer days.

1910. God keeps His promises.

1911. being reunited with jana and jeanne and chels. a retreat and time to rest, laugh, and just be together.

1912. friends who encourage me and call out my fears and give me truth to fight them.

1913. camping. lots of camping this summer. time to simplify and just be Wh friends. to ride bikes. to hike. to eat smores. to hammock. to swim.

1914. pedicures.

1915. summer thunderstorms. loud thunder. downpours.

1916. introverted bike rides.

1917. a season w emily in house. she is more of a blessing than she knows.

1918. pike place coffee and white mocha creamer. everyday.

1919. Leena lost her first tooth. bittersweet.

1920. being provided for. thank you God.

1902.-1907

1902. two plush green majestic palms, gifted by my husband upon returning home, knowing i have been researching and pining away for the perfect plants in my house. i love them. they are tropical and sturdy and their fingers dangle in relaxation. i pray i can keep them alive.

1903. gray gray gray, how is just now that i am completely falling in love with that color? lindsey..i see what you see:)

1904. little vases filled with fresh flowers, all gifted by different friends. they are such a sweet reminder that i am loved and cared for-known by ones close to me. i do not need to choose isolation..

1905. a soft contentedness that is just now arriving in my spirit, a peace that i am now here, i can gently move past the mourning-but not dismissing the forgetting, but welcome joy and dust off the red dirt on my shoes, and allow them to dirty with this new journey ahead. praise You God. You always walk with me. 

1906. summer has been so hot and that has been such a gift to my little brown body. 


1907. even more sun and heat and no agenda coming up in august..

1895-1901

1895. soft pencil gray paint carefully stretched across our living room walls. the room has bloomed open and it is ripe for creativity in crafting a cozy sitting area. 

1896. safe and smooth flight from Oxford to Chicago. 

1897. the sun has greeted us in welcome home cheers every single day since we've arrived back to the US. the air is warm and the sky is soft pink and tired blue when dusk comes. Michigan is so beautiful. 

1898. a slow but steady process of re entry. reading, writing, learning, sharing, all little tiny steps to a healthy transition. i sit with goodbyes and hellos in both hands. 

1899. the freshest salsa and hot chips from On the Border. nothing beats it. 

1900. baby Liv, snuggled beneath the quilt next to me..ben, koko, along with their grandpa and dad late summer night fishing at the pond. a bit of peace. 

1901. i am not afraid of this desert i have walked into. i welcome it and place my trust in Him. Speak Lord, for your servant is listening with a soft and broken heart. 

1892.-1894

1892. Ken and Mary Giles, a beautiful radiant couple, a literal picture of Christ and His bride, married just shy of 30 years, he still calls her my love and looks at her in a singular way reserved for no one else. and mary, sweet, gentle and compassionate mary, her fingers and eyes drip with grace and beauty, kindness and gentleness, a quiet humility. they opened their home to us, a home with parts built with their own hands. they poured wine and pulled potatoes and courgettes out of their flourishing garden, ken picked up some fresh beef at the market and busied themselves with serving us and grafting us into their home. i was so thankful to have witnessed/experience hospitality in this way,  as well as a solid picture of a harvested marriage. 

1893.  wonderful double date with mom and dad english, attended a posh concert at the Sheldonian Theatre where we listened to the dramatic moving overtures of Hayden, who had himself once stood there where the musicians stood. the music was glorious and epic, i enjoyed it very much. we also took mom and dad to our favorite pub, turf tavern and i knew it would be the last time we got to eat there so that was also a gift.


1894. getting rid of most of our furniture and beds feels so good to have part of that moving done with. only 5 days left.

1886-1891

1886. the faint fragrance of dad's pipe wafting beneath my nose as we explore the wild highlands of scotland and ancient castles with their missing pieces, yet large chunks of stone remain

1887. the clouds that parted, pregnant with rain, ceasing their labor to give way to the sun, so that i might picnic below,  savoring my parisian finds as the eiffel tower stood magestic before me, allowing me to sit at her feet and enjoy her shade

1888. two wonderfully impactful books in 2 weeks. Re-Entry and 7.  Both speaking to me loudly and so time appropriately, perfect gifts from thoughtful ones not even knowing how much i would devour both and learn so. much.

1889. a tiny shepherd's cottage, tucked far back behind usual scottish civilization, green sticking to everything, the piles of moving wool and black eyes, 2 horses grazing near by-one white, one brown, all inviting to explore, smell, touch, and see. my favorites of all our air b n' b's. the shepherdess greeted us, tiny black bugs clinging to her shoulders, her hands strong and weathered from hard work on a farm, her face like softened leather, eyes wise and aged. she was kind and shared of the history and real pictures of shepherd and farming life. "it's a tooth and claw animal kingdom" she said solemnly.

1890. peace and laughter for the large percentage of our road trip. we all put forth effort to communicate and adapt to one another, flex in the opposite direction of our own wants. i am thankful and proud of all 7 of us. 

1891. after hours and hours of driving in the 9 passengar vehicle, the walls still seem to close in, and darkness falls, a hearty comadarie falls on us and slap happy humor comes out to play, and tongues start loosening, and you really get to know a person amidst smelly shoes, stale air, and siri's misread directions.