32.

today's small gifts of joy: 
homemade whipped cream and fresh strawberries
[gifted from my sister], 
the laughter of my caramel colored nieces
as they delight with my own peanut butter children, 
the morning sun promising a warm day, 
and His mercy is new this morning.

thirty-one

fresh flowers. right now i have purple tulips in a big blue mason jar on my table and yellow daffodils hand picked by alivia and hayleigh in a mason jar on the window sill above the kitchen sink. spring flowers make me happy.

thirty

fresh fruit. strawberries. melon. grapes. mangos. apples. bananas. those are my favorites. especially when they are brightly colored and sweet.

29.

walking into my home after being away
for some time,
I am that much more appreciative.
I love the familiarity
of the creaks in my hard wood floors,
my favorite spot in the corner of the couch,
and that I get to call this place my home.
It is a gift to even have a home,
a safe haven,
a place of rest,
a space for Him to dwell among us,
a dry and clean place
to lay my head...

twenty-eight

I have found that God always provides at just the right time. When we had a bunch of bills to pay, a check came in the mail. When we needed a bigger car for more kids, he gave us one. Sometimes it feels  like the needs need to be met now, but He always knows the bigger picture and provides at just the right time. Right now, B.A. is loaded with work. Even though he is gone a lot this month, i know it is because God is providing for us. Jehovah Jireh. The Lord provides.

twenty-seven

the promise of heaven -
when around every corner
new discoveries await
with none of the anxiety
and all of the child-like delight.

twenty-six

change.
as one chapter closes
another promises growth and newness,
opportunities for curiosity and learning.

twenty-five

katie.
celebrating another birthday this week,
she has been
a dear sister, encourager, challenger,
and a reminder of joy as
she handles life's struggles
with integrity, grace, and patience,
and life's gifts
with appropriate celebration and gratitude.
i love this girl.

twenty-four

the gift of learning.

I am watching my 3 year old son

trace letters, ever so carefully,

with skill, not so wobbly as last time.

I watch the switches and gears turn

as he makes connections,

exercises his mind, and I am so thankful

that nothing physical impairs him.

It is a gift for him to be able to

practice self control,

patience, and diligence 

all while learning what the word

symbiotic means.

twenty-three

laughter in the lunch line
the gift of a small community of young men and women who share a common desire for education and for Jesus.
students who have come from so many different places, who were strangers 8 months ago, who share meals together now as brothers and sisters.

twenty-two

smiles.
a result of the combination between beautiful weather, dwindling days of another school year, and the eagerness for summer plans to find their fulfillment.

twenty-one

warm air
slows everyone down.
on a college campus
people are in no rush to reach the next destination.
finally
we all silently celebrate this together
while this gift produces in each just a little more love for each other.

twenty.

the gift of meat.
I know it's so simple,
and really I have been cutting back a LOT
on being a carnivore,
but I understand that we were given domain
over the livestock,
and we are to rule and subdue.
So today, I ate a big ole' juicy 
brat, the kind with pockets of cheese
and boy, was it good.
Sat in the sunshine, with the body of the Delta
dancing below my feet
on the dock.
And i was thankful.
thankful that I can exercise self control,
and still enjoy 
an animal based meal
every 
once in awhile..

nineteen.

the gift of older ones.
fathers, mothers,
father-in-laws-, mother-in-laws,
the wisdom they share
is worth the weight of gold.
I am thankful for the examples,
the fingers pointing to the Father,
and to seek truth in scripture.
I can learn from mistakes and successes
of them who have gone before.
even more rich a blessing
in the aged belonging to the Father
and walking with Him much longer
than I ever have.

eighteen

music,
on a dreary, wet day,
is hopeful
of something better

[wake up - all sons and daughters]

seventeen

coincidence
that is no coincidence at all.
confirmation - as things happen simultaneously
so authenticating God's authority over all things.
just when i start to question Him again
i read from matthew
then 
i find the very same lines in my favorite devotional
[streams in the desert]
"I certainly am in control, even of the smallest details," He whispers.

sixteen

children
with all the naivety
wonder
curiosity
humility
to see the world with such joy and surprise,
seeing all things as gifts
and teaching the rest of us to do so more

fifteen

home.
a place to return to after a day of work
or a journey away.
a space to let any guards down,
to rest.
a safe haven that gives time
for laughter and
assessment, to examine life,
and to welcome others in,
opens opportunities to know
and to be known.
a mere shadow of the home that awaits.

fourteen

regrets and worries and fears
have an end point.
do you remember in elementary school when you learned about the difference between a line, a line segment, and a ray?
a ray has a beginning and no end.
a line segment has a beginning and and end.
these burdens that we carry,
they have a beginning - they all start somewhere -
but an end?
if we have Jesus.
for He Himself is our peace.
our worries fall aside
when we trust Him
because He orchestrates all things for His glory and our good.

i'm thankful for peace, for our Jesus as the complete end to the anxieties of this life. 

thirteen

church family.
and i don't mean family in the cliche sense
these people are a gift of grace
knowing me
teaching me
week after week drawing out from me the real attitudes of my heart
and ministering to me.

twelve.

sleep.

maybe it comes as a usual thing for most people, but I went through a long season where I didn't have it. barely at all. sleep to me now is one of the most wonderful things ever created... so if my body says, "nap!" or "sleep!!" heck, I'm taking it.

eleven.

physical affection.
little armed hugs from
my son and daughter followed
by smooches with a loud smacking sound
when tamm pulls my feet
(she hates feet and it reviles her to touch them)
to drag my body closer to her while we talk
Chelsea grabbing my head
so she can stroke my eyelashes
Nathan pulling me in for a long kiss
a soft shoulder of a friend
a brother in Christ awkwardly
giving me a brief side hug,
it fills my heart and I love it
when my space is invaded.

ten.

thankful for the ability to have children.
I often think of the 2 I lost,
and the grief and sadness.
Yet, I am reminded shortly after
how quickly my prayers were answered
only a month after a miscarriage,
He opened up my womb again
and breathed new life.
So honored, so undeserving.
Praise You, Father,
the Author and Giver of Life.

p.s. these are my two besties, holding
my second born, Norah Komali.

Nine

I remember I used to lie for hours after I woke in the morning listening to the birds and the frogs and the outside noises. I'm thankful spring is here again and that trees are blooming and soon windows will be open again!

eight

my addi.
my first niece, born 7 years ago today.
i still remember waiting in that waiting room, still not sure if she was a boy or girl...
then she was here, perfect, with a head full of dark hair, her personality already foreshadowing.
now she's just as precious as she was then
curious, creative,
assertive, stubborn, and opinionated,
yet kind, generous,
makes gifts and games for any and every occasion,
and of course, she's wild and crazy.
i love this girl,
a small but mighty potential for what God might do.

seven.

the freedom that
I don't have to prove myself.
I know my worth and identity is fully hidden in Jesus Christ.
I do not need to prove who I know
or what I can do
to know that I am loved by a King.
I don't need to spend hours in front of a mirror
or speak above others
to earn an audience with His majesty.
I am small,
I am weak,
and my flesh fights the spirit all the time.
Yet, He called me by name
and I belong to Him.
I am thankful for this gift
that I am complete, I don't have to work up to it
or prove myself worthy.
because if that were the case,
I would fail miserably.
Thank you Jesus for loving me
and giving me worth
in you.

six

growth.
God grows us.
in His time.
i don't strive anymore to be who i think i should be around people.
i am quiet when i have nothing to say.
i am affectionate when i want to be.
i am lazy when i'm tired. 
i excitable when i have energy.
i am challenging when i disagree.
i like harmony more often than not.
i am me.
and it has been so freeing to know that God is the one that i live to please
and He doesn't need me to perform
because He is already pleased.

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 
philippians 1

Five.

When both my little ones sleep through the night, which has been rare these past couple of weeks due to sickness, clogged noses, and bear teeth coming in. Sleep is a gift.

Four.

Waking up to sunshine blasting through my window. It fast forwards my joy and I anticipate the day with a thankful heart.

three

the spring sun.
its warm even when the air still has a chill.
its hopeful that summer is coming.
it gives light to everything.

two.

last night I had the worst ear infection. i haven't had one since I was little. it was excruciating. but because I am learning a heart of gratitude and laid down entitlements, I sang quietly to Jesus as my ear throbbed. as I wrestled in bed, I thanked Jesus for any respite from pain, no matter how small. I thanked him for the hot water that I used to try and break down the pressure in my ear. I praised Him for being good and faithful, as I felt like crying from the nail driving deep inside my ear drum. I prayed for healing and rest, to just make it through the night without throwing up, and I am so humbled and thankful that He was so close and put his hand on my ear to stop it from screaming. Well it's morning now, my ear is in tact, there is ringing as delayed hearing in it, but the sharp needles have ceased their torture. For some reason I feel like I was in a battle last night, not against my ear, but against my flesh. my old order of things would be to wollow up in self pity and dispear, playing a begging game with God, but it wasn't like that. I was able to think clearly, able to thank and praise Him amidst wailing flesh, He was my strong tower, my source of strength, and I was aware of His presence, instead of accusing Him, questioning His mercy.

His mercy was new this morning, and I am thankful.