1632-1640

1632. introvert time at panera. first time all week. sigh.
1633. having many many good friends. i've felt the joy and blessing of having people in my life who are not shallow, who really care about me.
1634. self awareness. i'm learning how to be healthfully self aware.
1635. it's beginning to look a lot like christmas!! songs, decorations, cold, trees, cookies, etc
1636. provision financially.
1637. a new curling wand.
1638. christmas light strung up outside the house.
1639. seat warmer in my van.
1640. and a remote starter.

1629-1631

1629. Quiet morning knowing that my two loves are sleeping together a safe in bed and I still get a few hours of reading and coffee and chitchat with a friend far away

1630. Writing and reading, a bubbling up of desire for these things again since being off my medication. 

1631. The desire to be authentic. To be honest. To chip away these things that were perhaps instruments of performance and instead work from the heart to create and find rest in the goodness and the jobs God has already handed me. 

1623-1628

1623. A long day, feeling drained and empty, and kind words from my father in law, taking time to uplift me in my tiny beautyness, so unexpected but so welcomed and cherished.  He said, "you're beautiful, Jana. You even look beautiful on the phone!" okaaaaaay. 1624. meeting in our home with other believers, opening the Word, building up community 1625. Being reminded in 1st Peter that trials are to be welcomed and expected, suffering is a gift, and to be beared with honor and surrender to the Father 1626. Thankful that being here is only continuing to press me into Him, hiding my self worth and identity in Him, for I really am the smallest-not said with pride, but a bit of embarrassment and reality. I have the least to offer intelligence wise, but it doesn't matter, I belong to Him, I have no real ability or success to hold onto, only Him. 1627. Groceries are being delivered tommorow and somehow clotted cream, scones and jam ended up in the shopping cart;) 1628. My husband's smile. it is always genuine, full of warmth and promise and safety

1612-1622

1612.  hot water to wash the dishes with
1613. two toilets in our house
1614. a bath tub
1615. no bra wearing days
1616. bra and makeup wearing days
1617. skyping spontaneous with my mom! 
1618. good news about the health and well being of my mom. thank you Lord
1619. somebody bought their tickets to come visit!!!!! t a m m y !! [can you all come please?:)]
1620. walks with the family. exploring past the city streets and more where the wild things are
1621. snacks and soda late at night with nathan after all the kids are tucked away
1622. a fun and festive week arriving here soon!

1603-1611

1603. Olive always tromping around the house in her little brown boots. No one tells her to put them on or even helps her, but she somehow always finds them and wears them around the house. Little gift to hear her clunking in those little feet. 1604. Magnum chocolate bar. 1605. A surge of jealousy rose up for just an instant and I had to pull it by a rope and stop it, strangle it and remind myself there was no need to be. 1605. The God who sees me. What is that in Hebrew? Lindsey? Chelsea? Can you tell me? 1606. A home available to serve, feed, and offer peace and rest to strangers who then become family. 1607. A variety of different unique glasses. 1608. That I don't hate washing dishes by hand nearly as much as I did 8 years ago. I don't mind it at all. 1609. Adele's sultry romantic sad voice. powerful and soothing. 1610. The affection of my husband. He is always finding a reason to touch or caress me and I really love that. 1611. A kind and thoughtful response from the shepherd.

1595 - 1602

1595 baked parsnip chips 1596 flowers in my living room. a soft orange bouquet accents the gold tray and the teal ottoman perfectly. 1597 dan's preaching. always blown away at the way his mind thinks and still the depth to which he delights in God's words. and thankful that he and his sweet wife continue to be such dear friends to me. 1598 2 nights out at the corner of bridge and fourth, with some of my dearest friends 1599 sam + caleb, raime, sara, lindsey, megan, brendan. how this random group of people has become my favorite sunday night activity i'll never know. but why i love them so much i understand. we do life together. we share real fears, humble confessions, and happy news. we listen to each other - we ask good questions. we challenge and sharpen. we sit, we talk, we - be. we give the gift of time to one another. and we stand together on the common ground that is Jesus. 1600 november 16. another warm night, an after-work jog in crop pants and short sleeves. 1601 an honest reply from megan. still mourning the loss of her sister, a missed small group, but a genuine invitation into a bit of her heart. 1602 a gold-framed mirror where the clash of silver used to hang

1584-1594

1584.  walking home from church and the sun was out and it was warmer than anticipated so we could shed out coats

1584. cream tea with Judy. one of my highlights so far.

1585. field trips with sweet ruth and our kids. her friendship. her encouragement. her kids. 

1586. walking. two feet to do so. 

1587. growing in confidence and capability in finding my way around the city. i can find a place without ever having been there before. it really enables me to spread out a little more each time

1588. a wonderful birthday filled with messages of love and encouragement, unexpected gifts, face time calls, fun outings, everything you could want in a birthday. 

1589. leggings.

1590. cooking in the kitchen. a set table. a full table. 

1591. the english countryside. it is breath taking 

1592.  in the English household, we are now officially allowed to listen to Christmas music! But i am still looking forward to thanksgiving 

1593.  Walter Longmire

1594. i am healthier than i have been in a long time and that really encourages me

1579-1583.

1579. Saturday night church w Hayleigh.

1580. competition. in 4th grade basketball. and the girls learning to be aggressive. 

1581. a day to sleep in.

1582. one week back at it. exercise every day and clean eating.

1583. a fun night out celebrating Cody and chatting with friends till late.

1571-1578

1571. texting with jana through out the day. she didn't feel so far away.

1572. Raime's guitar, her voice, and all the songs she has written that I got to enjoy.

1573. hanging out with Elsie and Breckie this morning for a bit.

1574. stairs. 4 times. time with baby Chelsea.

1575. another gray windy rainy day. 

1576. exactly 6 weeks till Christmas! the most wonderful time of the year. 

1577. friends that will listen to me external process and hear all my deep secrets. and support me and encourage me.

1578. hope.

1557-1560

1557- Thankful for an egg omelette. With coffee. 

1558- Thankful for one on one time with Mom and Lindsey today. 

1559- Thankful to see my Dad all cozy and happy and retired. 

1560- Thankful for rest and rain and a cozy day in.

1558 - 1566

1558. 60 + sunny + tiny molly on the back of a bike, baby helmet included 1559. receiving so much love from the most dependent little one 1560. still those leftovers of the crock pot enchilada quinoa success 1561. long walk with raime and a sweet sleeping baby around reed's lake. time to talk about life and dreams and fears and personality, time to listen and ask questions, and the gift of deeper understanding 1562. the last of 6 coaching circle calls. 90 minutes of engaged, challenging dialogue with like-minded people 1563. dark chocolate - low in sugar, high in iron 1564. study time at rowster 1565. consistent family times on the calendar for the next months 1566. seeing how God is slowly changing my heart, my language, and faithfulness to reading and meditating on the book of james

1554-1557

1554. This empty feeling which means I must draw closer to God because I am forgetting that he alone can fill, he alone is my success, he alone is my love. 

1555. Window open all night long in November!!!! 😱 I love sleeping with the window open and the fresh air seeping in. 

1556. Long car ride just for fun yesterday with max... The sun high in the sky. Picking up apples and beets at "under the pines"... An evening at home with just to two of us for hours, a rare occasion. 

1557. Sleep. Good sleep lately. 

1548-1553

1548. a lush face mask from Raime. refreshment for my skin.

1549. gray skies and drops of rain.

1550. talks about life after death with the girls on the way to school. grateful for their little hearts.

1551. day one complete of clean eating and exercise after a brief time off.

1552. empathy and encouragement. 

1553. a walk to the red tree with just Leena. 

1541.-1547

1541. a long day with the kiddos while nathan was at conference. He came home, helped clean up for dinner and then excused himself for a few minutes. I worked on clearing the dishes and the kids would run back and forth giggling saying dad had a fun surprise for me. Finally the kids took me by the hand and made me close my eyes. They led me up the stairs, trying not to trip over strewn toys and old laundry and they stopped at the bathroom door. They shouted with glee, "open your eyes mom!!" Nathan and had drawn a hot bath with tons of bubbles, and lit candles. He even brought the wireless speaker up there and set up to play classic christmas jazz.. he told me to take all the time i wanted and he would finish cleaning up and getting the kids ready for bed. i felt like crying. i was so tired from 3 long days in a row and i know it was long for him too, but it was so kind and thoughtful of him and the kids to serve me that way. I got to take a bath, get alone time, and nathan only came in once to bring me a little container of chocolate chips. HUGE UNDESERVED gift.

1542. ukulele practice. love playing on this tiny instrument and it brings me joy. 

1543. autumn days. the air is breathable and clear, there is color everywhere, and its scarf and sweater season. 

1543. a ride in the car with him who i judged harshly at first, turns out to be an actual solid guy.  I am still shrewd as a snake, but trying to remain harmless as a dove. 

1543. meeting in homes, community, big pots of soup and crusty bread, prayers lifted. this is pleasing to the Father

1544.  tea. tea. tea. and more tea. especially with homemade cream. 

1545. face time calls with CHELSEA, LINDSEY, JEANNE, and LINDSEY!!!! the best gifts!!!

1546. hobnobs. crunchies, bountys. mars. england seems to be the champions of candy bars. they are all great and sometimes nathan brings me home one late at night and it makes my day

1547. confidence, security, rest, and affirmation of who i am in Christ. I am surrounded by brilliance and high achieving successful people, so its easy to feel small and stupid and of little worth, but God has been so faithful and kind to me. He is my portion. 

1535-1540

1535. long dark evenings to have introvert time.

1536. coaching Hayleigh's first basketball game. so much adrenaline and fun.

1537. large size white chocolate creamer found at Walmart today because target was sold out.

1538. paper mate flair colorful pens.

1539. long drives worshipping in the car on the way out to Lowell to worship and learn at impact. 

1540. Jesus the intercessor. so I can come before an AWEsome God.

1531- 1534

1531. orange + green tree dancing outside the wall of windows 1532. sweet older lady lets out a quiet gasp and eyes wide with delight as her son sets the latte art in front of her 1533. a sleepy 6-weeker is passed from mother to father in the comfy chairs while the people fill the seats 1534. where the baristas enjoy making a chai latte perfectly to my liking: sugar content low and spice content high

1524-1530

1524. a few hours with johnny while his mama has yet one more doctor's appt to check up on the baby sisters 1525. friday night lights with em+al+grace+cass. temps in the upper 40s, a small breeze, leaves across the concrete, hot drinks at half time. and watching super star brayden, who reminds me of david playing WR at FHE 1526. still waking up so early every day, and then the sun wakes up too. the most productive days. 1527. ferris parking lot at 830am on a saturday. 30 minutes to write on the blog before the doors open...at 9 1528. that theological discussion with baby linds a couple of days ago. i love when my mind and my heart are required to exercise. 1529. deep breaths, with little anxiety and good rest. feeling so different from just a few weeks ago 1530. a new [blue] decal in the entryway.

1511-1523

1511. november heatwave. t-shirts, sunburn, and driving with the windows down. 1512. estella, selena, and lainey. sweet, responsible little girls. 1513. a good week with molly. cuddles, those little moments when it is clear that she loves me and feels safe with me. 1514. watching a quiet cul de sac out an open window while the warm air swirls around my face and my bare feet. 1515. the beginnings of animal sounds from the littlest one. 1516. beauty of meijer gardens and the generous ones who made such a place possible. that statue of the two of them <3 1517. gold+cream globe to match the living room 1518. a few evenings with rach. they're rare, but they're appreciated. 1519. letters ready for the mailbox, hand-written on lovely $1 cards from trader joe's 1520. pear/carrot/blueberry baby food pouches. i don't care, i love them. 1521. waking up this morning just a couple of minutes before my alarm, feeling fully rested and ready for the day 1522. warm air vaporizer to keep me healthy through the winter 1523. perfume from katie, from the farmers' market: jimmy choo love? awesome. i'm a fan.

1506-1510

1506. a new haircut at the last minute by one of my best friends.

1507. fun makeup at the holiday open house. makes me feel pretty. 

1508. a gathering to have conversation about race and reconciliation. 

1509. a job interview for a friend. 

1510. slows bar BQ. yum. 

1496-1505

1496. a tiny mexican joint where we can feed the whole family for just around 20 pounds, and feel like we get to get out, like at home, and not be reckless with our money..i know its not a big deal, but it sure brings me a bit of joy

1497. my fluffy white comforter, detailed with flowers of gray, i spend a lot of time beneath it, it is a little gift

1498. peace and unity, unwavering in my marriage, all praise to Him who oversees. we grow in strength, closer to Him as we cling to each other, and i know this is a rare gift. I all too often take the love and commitment of my husband for granted, i am reminded even know to NOT do that

1499. Iris, Lauren, Hannah, and Giovanna, all lovely ladies that have extended warmth and friendship to me, not as an upper, but as an equal. I am thankful to just have any women community offered because i miss my girlfriends probably the most, if i am honest..

1500. listening to Ben read out loud. He is really getting it!! I can not wait till he can read fluently. Thank you Jesus for helping him connect the dots and strengthening his brain and brilliance. 

1501. extra eye lashes. yeah, i know its stupid, but they are fun and i love to wear them every so often because they make me feel a little extra pretty and i always wanted full voluminous lashes, and now i can. 

1502. the church here. God is present and working in the hearts of these people. He is quiet and steadfast, not having to prove anything, or show off. and yet, He will not be passed over, He does demand attention and acknowledgement. He is a great God, all powerful and all knowing. sure these minds are the brightest, the smartest, the most knowledgeable, but God is. He simply is. and you can't ignore Him. 

1503. Olive's skin has improved wondrously! she does not stick to the strict diet she once had to, because there are different food regulations here that don't allow some of the weird stuff that shows up un food, so she is able to have bread and oatmeal, and pizza without breaking out. she is doing very well. 

1504. I'm healthy again too. walking. carrying kids up hills. pushing a stroller with 100 pounds worth of kid in it, and eating less fast food has all bode well for me. I needed something to push me, or i know i would still be the lazy chip eating couch potato i was before i left. 

1505. laundry machine on the main floor!! in the kitchen!! easy access!!

1491 - 1495

1491. over an hour on the phone w Tammy this morning discussing God, sin, the Bible, and more. She challenges me and I love processing and digging deeper through conversation w her.

1492. the grace to have eyes that have seen God specifically working this past year. in my life. and in those around me.

1493. libby. a friend. a mentor. a teacher. a rabbi. a mom. a coworker. I am learning so much from her.

1494. flannel sheets. so soft and warm and cozy.

1495. Logans croutons on my salad. 

1486-1490.

1486. fall colors. red. orange. yellow. brown. in all their shades.

1487. that I have had the privledge to be a mom three times. I saw a little toddler today with curly ringlets and felt jealous that my kids were already getting so old. And then I realized how blessed I am to have had three beautiful toddlers already.

1488. Essie sand tropez nail polish. 

1489. people. my people. who have my back and call me out on things and see all the sides of me but still love me.

1490. books. books. and more books. especially ones written by Elisabeth Elliot lately.