323-333

323. anniversary. testimony. this sweet little team, jay&em. so perfect to compliment one another.
324. long taken-for-granted matrix of white letters, so often clicking away in front of me as my mind clicks away inside of me
325. a promise from a faithful friend, a freshly capable keyboard, gifted back to me after a full day's attention
326. snowshoes crunching in the bright and frozen
327. her loving prompt for more trust in His gracious equipping - you were made for more, faith steps firmly forward
328. bound with blue and branches, these leaves of paper, covered in keystrokes, overflow of a heart changed by thankfulness, eucharisteo
329. a nasty cold, this one, a gentle call to slow and to simmer on the gifts, the needs, the dependence. the dependence a conduit of more joy than any measure of self-sufficiency
330. the "setting in" of winter, with all its added gifts
331. floral pattern curtain back in my line of vision, covers the chaos, calms with beauty
332. dreams, hopes, to capture with language and image, please Father, if it be an avenue to Your glory
333. natalie grace. still growing patiently, while I grow increasingly impatient..

312-322

312. thankful for His purposeful, evident, hand in some hard decisions we've had to make this past month. 

313. that Nathan was hand picked, selected, and chosen to play a significant role in a play this spring. It was hard and difficult in the audition process, the odds were stacked against him, but God's quiet favor rested with him.

314. the tiniest glass bottle you ever did see, gifted to me, saved for me, and filled with precious liquid, by my sweet and thoughtful Chelsea. it blessed me so.

315. that baby is still alive, still growing, dancing beneath my skin, making a presence already.

316. the dish washer.

317. heated blanket.

318. sushi, hot tea, and fellowship with mom and sister. it is rare when it is just the 3 of us, so it was cherished and such an enjoyable time.

319. that He is teaching me a whole new way to forgive, through hard experience, through His grace, and gentle guidance. it has stretched me in a way I have not been before, but I understand it is necessary to my walk and spiritual growth. may I be an excellent giver and receiver of forgiveness, through Him, and Him alone.

320. Christmas lights, both white and colored.

321. a lot of friend time. lots of laughter and bustle and just all around fun.

322. so so thankful my children have not been knocked out with winter sickness yet this blistery season.

304-311

304 winter through the eyes of a 5-month-old
305 blinding whiteness where green is supposed to be glowing on the ground
306 birds - reds, browns, blues, grays, yellows, blacks - all flitting unnecessarily fast to and from the bird feeder
307 the occasional car zipping cautiously by over the matted, white pavement
308 icy wind shaking the trees across the road
309 the bits of cotton white snow that fall from the trees to the ground at random
310 tiredness, product of over-stimulation, this time evidence of a tiny person's satisfaction
311 this kid. always joy.

301-303

301.  joyful winter sun
302.  the way a squirrels tail waves behind as he gallops across the still green grass
303.  diversity of naked trees across the skyscape

295-300

295.  a brother who says he believes God again and takes steps toward Him
296.  a testimony of God's faithfulness from each at the thanksgiving table
297.  sweet potatoes mixed with black beans, spices
298.  long-awaited sleepover with r, snacks, movie, conversation lingering well into the dark
299.  like-mindedness, conversation always symbiotic, never obligation
300.  trinity church - oxford. a community 2 months old, in one of the most obstinate cities, already with 2 new disciples of Jesus + real joy.

284-294

284. heat. heat. heat. heat.

285. hot chocolate in a new mug

286. quiet afternoons when Norah naps and Ben sits quietly on the couch watching Jake the Pirate and my dishwasher sings of a job well done.

287. a sparkling clean kitchen. at least counters clutter free and swiped down, dishes done, daylight streaming in from the window

288. tasks that seemed daunting to proceed ahead with, and then the accomplishment of being able to check them off the list

289. thankful for the grace of the police officer not giving us a full ticket, even though our rear window was obstructed in view, no proof of insurance, and expired tabs.  a small fine is nothing compared to our fully deserved punishment.

290. thankful for the gift of travel. Since marrying Nathan, I have traveled more by plane, by train, and by plush vehicle more than I ever did growing up. So thankful he takes me on trips, flies me places, and gets us out of the house. 

291. that I have my eye sight. that I am not swarming with unknown disease like I have in my past, thankful that I put my contacts in without pain or a hefty price to pay, and that I can wear my glasses and not feel like a total dog. [a lot of times, yes, but there is room to dress them up:)]

292. grateful for a responsible husband. he is never lazy, dead beat, or selfish in thinking. he cleans out the van and vacuums it without asking, spends hours on the phone taking care of insurance policies and coverage, and fills my vehicle with gas, unprompted. I know these are huge gifts. 

293. that Norah still cuddles with me. she caresses my face, squeezes my neck, and cozies up against my chest without being sick or tired, she just comes to find me and I love it that she wants to be close to me. it makes me feel so special and loved by her.

294. and I love that her hair has finally grown, giving her a more feminine look, and we get to experiment with bows and braids and pig tails. 

gifts 276-283

276. Jade is the New Black and Wooden Shoe Like to Know are two beautiful nail colors by OPI that i find great delight in;)

277. the growing anticipation of another upcoming vacation to beautiful California, one of my most favorite places on earth. Looking forward to a more frequent appearance of the sun, lovely palm trees that sway and are not ashamed of their looks, and sinking my teeth into a huge good quality In N Out burger.

278. the consistency of my friendships. the ones that matter have stayed put, continue to encourage and be present when needed, offer wisdom and affection, and I am so thankful for them. such gifts.

279. you know, my sex life has been pretty rough only recently in the last 2-3 months, I blame it SOLELY on this pregnancy, but I am thankful that one, i can even still have sex and my desire is still strong for my husband, two, that I can rest in the knowledge that mostly, about 90 percent of the time, sex is rocking and fun for both parties, and the dry spells just creep up during pregnancy, so THIS SHALL PASS....right?! and so so so thankful for a gentle and understanding husband who is so overly aware and attentive to my every sigh and discomfort. He is always offering other means of physical comfort, whether it be a long back rub, a head rub, many hugs and kisses, slowed down time, and allowing me to rest and picking up so much of the slack. I can not thank him enough, or the Father of gifts for bestowing me with such a gracious husband.

280. I am always learning and striving and chasing after with desperation a true heart and life of humility and the more I dive into it, I sometimes fear of drowning, because there is such a depth and richness there, and I have not even scratched the surface. I am also learning [the more difficult way] that humility is easily misunderstood. I have had a close friend question me [in complete love and gentleness] thinking I had a low view of myself, or asking if I really knew how much the Father loved me and viewed me. I think he was asking me these things because sometimes humility comes across as so small and unassuming, giving little thought to self and affirmation, but honestly, I DO know where I stand with Jesus, I have never been more sure. His love is so big and He takes great delight in His children, and I am one of them. I do not put myself down anymore [used to be a constant struggle] or bash what He has created in me, I simply do not try and talk about it, because humility just thinks of itself less, not that I am less. I would rather veer toward the side of maybe too much smallness, than being filled with arrogance or self assurance. So maybe that gets me in trouble. But you know, I am thankful that as much as i am learning, the Father knows me so intimately and well, that my audience is for One, and He is who I aim to please. He is Who I want to be small and tiny for. I have much joy. I don't walk around feeling sorry for myself, or thinking I am a little piece of shit [I sure once thought this way] but I am content to rest in being a tiny child of God, a walker of low ground, and a silent confidence finding my identity in Him. May He be praised for what He is doing in little me. All this being said, I am just thankful. I deserve none of anything, yet He still lifts me up on solid ground. no matter who understands or not. 

281. thankful that my son possesses such a sweet and tender spirit. He is so gentle and affectionate, he loves to sing and make cards for people, he is thoughtful and sensitive and i view him as such a gift to my heart.

282. Thankful for moments in carefully chosen restaurants when my meal is placed in front of me, I partake and JUST HIT IT.  The food is excellent and tastes so delicious, I am just so excited at this point that one, I am out to eat, and two, paying for the food was well worth it. It's just a little thing, but I am so ecstatic when i hit it:)

283. good babysitters. T, J, and M, all take such good care of my littles, loving them, getting on the floor with them, making the evening special for them, tickling, laughing, and playing, my heart is so full when my children are well loved by others. it brings me peace.

271-275

271. a comfy couch with my favorite flannel penguin blanket.
272. a big thunderstorm on a peaceful sunday afternoon tucked away in my cozy house with my family
273. gray skies. pitter patter of raindrops. wind. all reminding me of God's great power over the Earth.
274. 2 friends with new life in their bellies that i get to hold soon.
275. neighborhood kids bible study at the stenders. and the meal they are about to start making for their parents right now.

269-270

269  a new muffler. for half the price.
270  "oh and i also changed your oil, ran it through the car wash, and vacuumed the floors"

268

Health Intervention Services
$30 dental work
(which was supposed to cost $400)

265-267

265  shane & shane station on pandora
266  curly hair
267  rainbowed trees

258-264

258 the way the glitter sparkles on the water when the sun peaks through the clouds
259 clothes shopping
260 girly accessories - the color, creativity, and sale prices
261 a space heater and a generous friend
262 manhood and womanhood the way it was designed
263 these women at crossroads. joy, honesty and vulnerability, water to my soul
264 heat

257

mozart.
has a way of making dreary, misty, autumn days
to seem wonderfully intentional,
hopeful,
restful.

242-256

242  maple leaves on the ground, red orange green bleeding together
243  friends within walking distance + caramels
244  hills
245  just a little extra, enough to add a few new pieces to the wardrobe
246  vegetables turned warm soups, curry, black pepper
247  cold air and warm blankets
248  chai. cold. because the sun in still warm.
249  homes and dreams, a yard, hospitality, a little snapshot of Kingdom
250  a leader who is visionary, investor, hard worker, brother, wise
251  sabbath days
252  multi-generational time to study God, receive words of life from those ahead
253  a plea for yet one more seat on an airplane
254  dream of worship under the leadership of those who have ministered to my heart for so many years
255  time with that friend that God has brought from death to life, abundant.
256  that sorrow that leads to repentance, those girls who will come to know His kindness.

228-241

228  kayaks
229  brisk lake air with bright sun overhead
230  exploration afloat
231  a newly found lagoo, complete with creepy docks that lead to nowhere, tree limbs underwater that look eerily similar to body parts, muck and algae and other floatings.
232  uplifting conversation...for hours
233  a new and dear friend: feisty, wise, motivated, a joy to my heart.
234  excellent food. gf. and those pancakes...
235  pamela's bread mixes. pam, we love ya.
236  jacuzzi. 109 degrees...too much? probably...
237  a perfect night's sleep. cool air, warm blankets, a full and satisfying 8 hours.
238  a bit of mid-september sunburn
239  fall colors just starting to peek
240  sore muscles
241  a small weekend retreat. rest.

224-227

224  this kid. precious time with him each wednesday. taking beautiful delight in all the naps, cries, diapers, bottles, smiles.
225  high energy toddlers that i'm learning to love well. the shy grins and giggles all day.
226  quiet afternoons while little ones sleep so very safely. i'm not used to down time...
227  time to think and rest. because my Father knows what i need.

gifts 220-223

I have possibly been the most absent of writers so far on this blog, but it is simply because I forget. But thankfulness has indeed changed my life, my perspective, my heart.

220. this ring that I bought two years ago to remind me that God is good, He is faithful, and that all is grace.

221. gloomy days suit me well sometimes. I don't like them for two long because they can after time begin to draw out the depression that sits inside of me at times, but today, and once in awhile, when I get to grab out my tall red hunter rain boots and hope it storms, or sit cozy in this classroom and wait for the pitterpatter of little feet. I watch the dark clouds and am thankful for the possible rain, the watering the earth. I think of soup.

222. This job. there are 74 little ones in my care this year. I get to challenge their minds and their hearts with color and pencil and teach them to create. is it possible that God has given me such a wonderful job? I cannot complain, I cannot.

223. Lately, i have been giving my lovelife a number. 1-10. I tell max if we ever fight again I will yell the number 3 at him. lol. Things have been so peaceful and full of romance and flavor and cuddling though of late.. max reaching out in the middle of the night to hold me. I love this man so completely. sometimes I watch him while he sleeps, his lips move around as if hes talking to someone in his dreams and I laugh at him, sometimes out loud, but he is such a sleeper he doesn't hear me. our lovelife has been a 9/10 these last few weeks. he is learning me, and I him. and it is an adventure and I feel so blessed. 

gifts 211-219

This morning I woke up, and both my kids were singing and cheerful. No whining cries, or stubborn outcries, just little voices singing Jesus Loves Me, and an explanation of how to build a tent. in great detail. [gift 211.] I consider this a gift because when my husband is gone away on work, I sometimes get overwhelmed at the daunting task of being with the littles all weekend on my own, i am not a fan of refereeing, and managing screams and nagging, and it does a GREAT wonder, when the kids are peaceful and cheerful. It makes things much more doable.

I also noticed it to be a crisp cool morning as I looked out the window. The kind of air that cleans out your insides, leaving you refreshed and renewed, and the sun is bright as ever, so there is that bit of warmth the cling to, but who doesn't love cozy boots and socks, and pretty scarves to drape yourself in? 

[gift 212.] I enjoyed dressing for the cooler weather, just the simple act of pulling out my gray ugg boots, and helping Ben into his hearty cotton flannel button down, and putting little norah in a cute long sleeve shirt. We had errands to do today, and we dressed appropriately. 

213. hot chocolate! Ben has been begging me to make him some, but I keep putting it off because it just quite didn't seem crisp enough, but today, he cleaned his toy room with an excellent attitude, [214.] without one word of complaining or arguing, and I wanted to bless him for his blessing to me. I brought him some hot cocoa with the tiny white marshmallows and he gave me a big grin. totally worth it. I made some for myself too;)

[215.] face time calls from Mom and Dad English. They live in beautiful California, so far away, but it is such a joyful surprise to get phone calls from them and now with their new purchase of iphones, we can facetime anywhere, in this case, in the middle of Target! It just blesses my spirit that they continue to take the time to invest in both Nathan and me, and their grandchildren.  It's easy to forget or set aside the effort when you live a countryside apart, but they have always made it a priority to invest in the relationship with us, and we feel so loved by them. I know they are Nathan's parents, but I consider them the same, as well as respected friends. 

[216.] cold toes on the bare wood floors, a cool wind that seems to shake our house, but I feel alive and thankful.

[217.] just so aware of God's presence this day, and I am so thankful and joyful that He makes Himself known in this way! Jesus, thank you for being so close today, and blessing me with Your goodness and mercy, and Your joy that fills me up!! You are so worthy of all worship and glory, and i can't help but worship with you with what You have poured into my heart and soul. Everything seems to fade in the background, and I am reminded that You are all I need. You are all I need.

[218.] dark maroon nail polish. another sign that autumn is here.

[219.] peace in our home. the kitchen is clean, with sun blazing through, the bathroom is also clean, however, the living room has piles of blankets and pillows from Ben building forts and creating with his imagination, but it doesn't bother me like it used to. [not that I am super clean or orderly. not at all. I just would get anxious with kid messes anywhere but the toy room.] but it's fine. It's peaceful. there is time to clean it up later. it brings him delight to create. he is only 4 once, I am stepping back to let him at it, and I choose shalom over chaos. 

gifts 200-210.

200. a quiet morning with my mom. she is a good listener, and a faithful friend.
thankful that this where our relationship now is. 

201. sending my first born son off to school for the first time was huge, but I am praising Jesus it so well for both of us and we are both healthy enough to be ok with this new season.

202. deposits. any income that comes our way is a gift. and appreciated.

203. the ability to learn. 

204. a patient husband. and I mean p a t i e n t.

205. corn dogs and spiral mac and cheese. it's total crap, but tastes so good every once in a while.

206. that as of right now, I can walk in the light and not be struggling or fighting some sort of inward demon of lust, or jealousy, or an angry heart.

207. thankful that God is our Councilor, that He is full of endless wisdom and understanding. His ways are so lofty, yet He chooses to speak to us.

208. for Chelsea, Tammy, Lindsey, Jeanne, Stephanie, Nikki, and Casey. My 7 closest and most highly adored friends. These are my kindreds, my heart is so thankful and humbled by these women.

209. I am so anticipating fall and all that it brings, but I am thankful for these last hot lingering days of summer. 

210. water. water. water. i LOVE water, and I never did before.

194-200

194. that my mom will watch my kids and love on them.
195. learning something new. a new alphabet. new vowels. and beginning to see a new language open up.
196. late night coffee with the sac club. a rich time that is a big blessing.
197. blue walls in the bathroom.
198. chocolate chip scones from wsb.
199. that my kids get the opportunity to learn to dance. ballet, tap, and hip hop.
200. promises in isaiah 58. "Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard."

182-193.

182. Fresh flowers picked from a beautiful garden now sitting in various mason jars around my house.
183. A new piano. the color i love. the size is perfect. 
184. Friends that are now my family.
185. 2 kids in school all day all week at a place where people love Jesus.
186. Time last night to watch my cute husband coach football. 
187. New paint colors in my home. 
188. A fun filled day at work on the road with my husband. 
189. Witnessing two good friends get married on a beautiful rainy afternoon.
190. Time that i can purposefully dig deeper into the Word with some ladies. 
191. Godly, wise counsel for me and my husband.
192. People who have served our family through dryall work and tiling the bathroom.
193. That God intervenes in my life. He doesn't have to. But He wants to. 

176-181.

176. cream of wheat with fresh frozen blueberries on top

177. catching up with a forever friend. that she is right where i left her, and she was joyful to see me. 
It means much to me.

178. hospitality. the simple act of being fed. even if its spiral whole wheat noodles mixed with green peas. i never tasted something so delicious. it was given/made in love.

179. closure. a reckoning. the ability to move on fully, with nothing lingering.

180. friends that love at all times. that hold tightly to me, even though I fall short most of the time. they point me to Jesus, and offer grace. so thankful.

181. a husband full of passion and zeal. for everything. 

164-176

164  such a firm GOSPEL foundation in our Father's good, gentle, gracious love for us
165  and church leadership with such pure ambassadorship for proclaiming the truth of our condition
166  zechariah 3
167  freedom to dream
168  opportunities to share the same truth
169  and the sure promise of like-minded people
170  a job. tuesdays and thursdays. twin toddlers. a boy and a girl.
171  another job possibility. mondays + wednesdays...
172  free wireless internet at starbucks
173  john+kelsey's wedding. and a dance party.
174  away. chicago. wind + sunshine.
175  those 5 girls. backpacks and miles of sidewalk on tired feet. laughter multiplied.
176  that discipleship and friendship can be one in the same.

gifts 158 through 163

158. majestic Cascade mountains. our tiny vehicle weaves in and out of them as the white fog seeps through all the crevices. they stand strong, rustic, jagged, and fierce. Yet, they seem sturdy and protective. we wind through the valley and the mountains keep us company along the way. 

159. plush pillows and warm blankets. this pacific north western air gives me good, solid, sleep, something I haven't really experienced since being pregnant this third time around. the air is crisp and alive, so clean and refreshing. it dances on either side of the open window, and true rest has been found here.

160. a praying and interceding husband. yesterday was a long grueling day of travel, we were up before the sun rose, 3:00 in the morning, and did not stop until a few time zones later, and my head was pounding, my nausea had risen up, and my body felt like it was falling apart. Nathan, in his gentleness and his patience, rubbed by head and kneaded at the sharp pressure points on my aching forehead and just whispered prayers to our Father, praying for relief and healing on my behalf, and I am just so thankful that the prayers of a righteous man are heard. my head is clear this morning.

162. breakfast in bed. this beautiful Bed&Breakfast is so plush and hospitable, it feels like such an oasis, such a retreat, and it is all a gift. this morning there was just one cheerful knock, and outside our door and hour before breakfast, steaming hot coffee and hot cocoa for me were waiting. we sipped our hot beverages and enjoyed our slow morning together. there was another knock, and this time, a feast. fresh fruit cut just so, a hot croissant stuffed with a creamy filling and warm fresh peaches stacked on top. for this foodie's eyes, twas a rich and delightful gift. i want to soak every little gift up and be appreciative.

163. the greenery. as far as your eye can see, so much fresh green bursting with life. His creation is alive over here in Washington and they sing His praises.

157

cotton candy sunrise

156

a late night with my oldest baby girl. cuddling in mommy's bed and watching Rigoletto, one of my childhood favorite movies. such precious moments tonight.

151-155

151 precious tokens of love all the way from Korea
152 time with a dear friend who is sold out to Joy
153 splendid lavender puffs lined up in the sky
154 thirty-eight minutes of much-needed talk time. and hope-restoring grace on the other end of the line
155 moon dough. coolest kid toy ever.

144-150

144  rich, fulfilled days that leave only minutes of laying in bed before sleep comes
145  reminders from a friend who has experienced an onion's layers of pain: our hope is for the glory that is to be revealed
146  that space with the grass seats that climb high, the music and dancing, a summer night
147  amphitheater: structural beauty
148  tiny glasses
149  getting all dressed up
150  setting-sun laughter

138-143

138. sweetened black tea with cream, over ice. 139. intimate friends. who lift me up, ask hard questions, and surround me with his huge love. 140. redemption, reconciliation, transformation. peace. joy. darkness to light. newfound gladness. 141. True intimacy in marriage. as a whole, with depth and layers, not just a simple closeness, but a true oneness between a husband and wife that is found hidden in God. 142. Leftover fajitas 143. relief, unification with God and spouse, breakthrough. thanks be to God.

137.

big time thanks/miracle:
[truly undeserved]
my husband had a memory card in his camera that held an entire wedding on it, 
the getting ready stages, through the ceremony, and up until it was time to take pictures with the entire wedding party, all on that small memory card. 
He came home that evening after a long day and to his horror, could not read the files on his camera, or his computer. Some flashing message about "unable to retrieve files.." 
scary. this was a client. if all those once in a life time pictures were lost?
to even think of it made us sick. 
we prayed fervently and nathan scrambled around calling others for wisdom and insight,
trying desperately to hack into the card via the computer and camera over and over again. 
He took it to the norman camera store, really as a last resort, hoping they could help in some way.
They seemed hopeful explaining they had 3 different software systems that could possibly read the card and gather the missing files. 
we prayed some more. lots of nail biting.
We drive back to the camera store and nathan is met with disappointed and sorrowful eyes.
"so sorry. I could not get to the files. no charge."
devastation starts to kick in.
He is going to have to tell the new couple that half their pictures are gone, he is going to have to refund 3000 dollars worth of damage, and his business name will probably be maimed and this can do no good for future clientele. 
so many blows.
That evening, he decides to try and download a software system himself, just to try. He has no idea, there is a charge of 100 dollars with no real guarantee the files can be retrieved.
He comes in the house and slams the door. 
I go to him.
He throws that fist in the air and says breathlessly,
"It's retrieving the files!! I can see the missing pictures!!"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Praise Jesus. God is Good. God is Merciful. He answered our prayer. God is Good. I can't believe it. 
Come, listen, and hear what the Lord has done for us!

136.

thankful that Lindsey read my entire journal
and she still loves me unconditionally. 
and she returned it to me safely at the end of the week:)

135.

that God is still God, 
even in chaos, even in storm, even in need. 
That God's love is still true,
even in brokenness, even in weakness,
even in despair. 
That God is the Giver of Life, 
even in death.

129-134

129 warm morning sun on my skin

130 cool mountaintop breeze on a hot day

131 quiet, early, open-ended mornings with plenty of time for reflection

132 ​corporate worship

133 fresh, dry mountain air - restoring the soul

134 celebration of marriages, years building on the small moments ​

119-128

119 that moment when the tiny wheels of an airplane break contact with the ground.

120 a morning of waking up,unassisted, light gently flooding the windows.

121 the hum and the relief of a simple propeller fan.

122 the anticipation, joy, upon finding in the mailbox a hand-written collection of words, thoughts, dreams, friendship.

123 finding that photograph that snapped at the perfect moment to capture expression: delight, laughter, youthfulness, ice cream.

124 lists. because "thanks is what multiplies joy."

125 a quiet, smooth flight, no anxiety.

126 classic stories that teach lifestyles of such integrity.

127 imagery in writing.

128 mountains that stand before me, stating their kind challenge.

118.

a spiritual leader found in my husband. I know this gift is rare, but I am humbled and incredibly grateful when my husband exercises this authority and speaks wisdom and truth for my troubled soul. This last couple of weeks have been a windstorm for me, and my husband has been such a blessing and voice of truth to me. He has prayed over me, encouraged me, gently guided and directed me, and offered discernment and gentle advice to carry out. I would have still been floundering or sitting in insecurity if it wasn't for him. Truly thankful when God uses Nathan to draw me closer to Himself.

117

our westside front porch. a safe place. where the neighborhood kids flock to sing songs, write stories, pretend, play games, and just chat. where friendships have space to grow. 

116.

summer.
sunshine.
sound of fans blowing.
windows open.
walks around the block.
ice cream and
flip flops.

115

health.
the oh-so-taken-for-granted abilities to walk and run and skate and ski and jump and climb.

114

swings.
today. this weather.
[calm before the storm.]
soft clouds. a breeze, finally with the slightest chill.

113

these 2. what a gift indeed.

112

Crossroads family.

111

an invitation from a dear and trusted mentor
looking forward to the next conversation

110

my sweet roommate
speaking my love language
praying for peace for me
leaving these lovelies at my door

109

another year.
answered prayer

108

A creamy spiced chai latte.
Dairy free.

107

Letter writing.
Chels painted something for me years ago.
Colorful and creative, it has "encourager" written across it.
I wasn't sure that that word really described me but when I take the time to sit down and write,
It's true.
Letters encourage.
Words bless.

106

Those clouds this weekend. The most awe-inspiring masses of water that I've seen.
And the gift of awareness to give them my undivided attention for a few minutes.

105.

words of affirmation.
encouraging words of friendship and loyalty
answered prayers of
our vision for hospitality in our home,
creating a refuge of rest
and delicious food for others to partake in
to hear that that vision has
 been not only brought
to fruition, but thrived in and answered
specifically to what we approached God about,
my heart is lifted by
words, words have the opportunity
to bring life and joy
and I am so thankful to
receive any,
no matter how small or big.

104.

pistachios and sun chips.
I LOVE to snack.

103.

the gift of thoughtfulness.
I have had a harried day to start out with
and I needed to breathe by myself
for even just a few moments.
I walked into my bedroom
and my husband and made the bed
and tidied up the room.
He opened the blinds
and it was an invitation to my spirit
to find rest
and I grabbed my bible and journal
and was able to have some quiet time
with Jesus
and meditating on scripture.
All because of thoughtfulness.

102

parks, playgrounds, nature trails.
discovery.

101

little e.
asking yesterday if she can please do my hair.
and this morning if she can [please] help me take off my nail polish.
these unhurried days with her are such a gift.

100.

first off, I am pleased that
I have the honor of meeting our first milestone
with gift one hundred.
i better make it worthwhile.
I will:)
I am thankful for my husband today.
thankful that he is thoughtful and kind.
thankful that he never raises his voice at me
or that I never have to m feel unsafe with him.
I am thankful that he is involved
100 percent if not more
in the raising of our children
and because of this,
they respect him.
I am thankful that he is quiet
and unassuming in his pursual of me
he does it whether eyes are on him
or not.
He is kind and attentive to women
never flirtatious or misleading.
He is a gentleman.
I of course could continue,
but I just was so overwhelmed with
thankfulness for him today
that I wanted to take the time to say so.
so very thankful
for Nathan Phillip English.

99

the cool breeze flowing in my windows. the singing and chatter of chidren playing in the backyard. puffy white clouds in the blue sky.

98

the qdoba my husband brought home for lunch. and time to eat together in the middle of the day.

97

my daughter is found. we were at my oldest's soccer game yesterday. i told my middle daughter to go play on the hill. five minutes later i look up and can't see her. i walk up the hill to find her. nothing. i call her name as loud as i can. nothing. i tell my sister and husband to look. we search for 15 minutes. nothing. finally my husband drives his truck into the woods and finds her walking deep into the forest with two other children. exhale. one of the most terrifying moments of my life. but i'm thankful she is found. and that none of the other possible explanations of why she was gone that played in my head were true. so thankful for my fiery middle daughter.

96

an hour and a half of wakefulness in the middle of the night.
God is moving.
i'm thankful.

95.

fan hums in the summer months.

94.

Monday evenings with Tamaslam... I so look forward to going home after a long day and hunkering down, creating something to eat in the kitchen and Tammy, her middle name so evident of what she brings our home, she comes over with her jokes and her laughter and her honesty and her inappropriate comments and we laugh and eat and are festive and I can honor God and love God by loving her and I feel so blessed to have monday evenings with my Tamaslam

93.

small talk with P.
in purity and holiness
I can have a healthy conversation
and be encouraged and uplifted,
challenged, really.
rather than drowning in weakness,
clinging, longing
for something that is not my own.
thankful that God is gracious
and He is full of second chances
and shows me what a healthy
affection can look like
and He trusts me that I am capable of having them
as He holds me in His hand.

92

a great day with e.
the sweet gentleness and innocent delight
that children find
in everything.

91.

the neighbors next door.
how cherished they are
and how blessed our family is
by theirs.
shared meals,
little boy squeezes
from the roofer, the shepherd, the preacher.
Delicious chicken marsala
served by the wife, the missionary,
the finnish woman who ran away from home.
thankful for the wisdom of the aged
what a rich marriage looks like
soft spoken words
encouragement
the Lord truly blessed us with these mentors.
these friends, these dear ones.

90.

sometimes its good for me
to be reminded that old friends
don't mean outdated friends.
Old friends mean
shared history, shared memories,
loyalty constant,
the depth gap grows
and I am thankful
for N's living room floor
and popcorn cooked in coconut oil
and quinoa in a tea cup
and easy talk, both deep
and light
and I am reminded
to not skim over them so quickly
but to stop and appreciate
that group of women that I only
see on wednesday evenings.

89.

I unscrewed the hinges off the closet door,
and heaved it all by myself;
moved both mattresses to the other side of the room.
Vacuuming, rearranging,
putting together the puzzle
that is our bedroom
and enjoying every minute of it.
i welcome change every once in awhile,
I love how the change opened up my room
to a whole lot of more light
and it has been emptied 
of all debris, piles of dust and useless knicknacks.
thankful that this tangible picture
is showing me how Jesus cleans out 
my heart.

88

girl time in the kitchen
late at night
with ice cream, peanut butter, and waffles
and little ones strewn about the house in various sleep positions.
and the truth, spoken in love.

87.

for the intercessory prayer of friends.
the warriors that seek His face on my behalf
and they are heard.
and answered immediately.

86.

it's raining outside,
dark, and overcast,
but inside my home 
Sonshine dwells.
He has renewed my spirit,
polished my armor for me
and I am ready.
I am thankful that He moves in
this lowly soul
and I am back in his arms
that i somewhow crawled out of.
I am thankful for the healthy smoothie
i made this morning
and how that made me want to clean too.
so funny how good choices point
to more good choices.
A cloud of dark and evil has been lifted off me
and I am praising Jesus
for His mercy and His convicting spirit.
I love Him so much.

85

hills.
such potential for curiousity
photography
activity.
i love running downhill.

84

overcast.
cool.
breezy.

83

purple irises
all over campus
now also in my home
[don't tell.]

82.

that God still moves
in even the lowliest of times.
my body is falling apart it seems
and Jesus has drawn me back to himself.
I was not seeking him like i should
and he uses physical pain
to refocus my life and mind to
pursue Him.
I need Him
and that's where I always want to be.

81.

the prayers and super absorbent heart my son has.

his prayers all his own, heartfelt, sincere.

his memory and mind, I am thankful

we are beginning to see more fruit.

80

crossroads college group. family. a place to study the Bible and be challenged to read it. worship. equipping. teaching. singing. prayer. meals. coffee. hot chocolate. real. welcome. fridays. discipleship. safe place. joy. rest. home. so thankful.

79

a white chocolate mocha from Starbucks.

78

i should have posted this days ago. the ability to move, to run. completing my first ever 10k. all the training that went into preparing for the race. seeing God heal my hurt foot the week of the race when i really didn't think i'd be able to run. running on race day with no pain. setting goals and following through with them despite obstacles. quality time with God while running. the peace and quietness for my soul in those early morning hours.

77

the things kids say..."see my baby? her name's ella...all my babies are named ella."

76

snuggly little girl who
aftet sleeping in the car
couldn't quite wake up without an hour of quality time.

75

rod.
gifted teacher
but even more (in my opinion): encourager.
speaks truth with grace and genuine love.
a conduit of empowerment directly from the Father.
thank you, Father, for the men of blessing in this community.

74

overstimulation.
unprompted giggles and smiles.
exaggeration. today it was "my dad weighs 5000 pounds. or just a lot of pounds." in reference to his ability to use the pool rafts.

the innocence of children.

73

quiet. and all is right with the world.

72

i love instagram world ten times better than facebook. clean. simple.

71.

71.
worship music blasting while I hold the paintbrush between my two fingers and mix colors and create. something God has created me to do.

70.

late last night Nathan and I 
broke out 
our instruments,
a Taylor guitar, and a humble ukulele.
We spread out the sheet music
and just started playing.
We were surprised
by the easy worship
and that Jesus joined us on the bed
in singing.
His soft, gentle, voice,
floated in and out of ours
and unspeakable joy filled my heart.
No discord. 
No thought of self.
no competing and comparing.
Just beautiful worship 
to a King who was and is worthy.
We were encouraged 
to see He could use even
the lowly
to uplift His name.

69.

the peace he gave me when i
took the test and failed.
I was hopeful
and took the test
2 times before
without thinking to seek Him first.
this time,
 I stopped to acknowledge
the Father, the Author and Giver of Life
and placed my trust and hope
in His hands.
I still failed the test,
but He was with me
and I was relieved to have Him near.
I trust His timing
more
than
ever.

68

that constant white noise of flowing water that drifts in through the living room window
with a crisp accompanyment of a  fresh breeze

67

authors.
writers.
with such natural effort
able to take me by the hand,
walk alongside me
through questions, disappointment,
confident all the way that there really is a light at the end if the tunnel.

66

1 Samuel 12:22 NIV

For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own.

65

the full depth of honesty and vulnerability
and a God who can handle it.

64

elise's prayer for me tonight

63

shane and shane.

a song from the brand new album, bring your nothing:
though you slay me

62

day 7.
rest.
contemplation.
self-examination.
and the necessary end result: humility.

61

order.
not chaos.
that our God is organized,
and that we are designed in His likeness.

60

wise voices who have gone before us.
encouragement, inspiration.

59

dependence.

fifty eight

58. a new desire for plants. it is so excited to watch things grow as I turn the soil and plan the seeds and watch green things begin to sprout.

fifty-seven

the grand river. the stillness of the water this morning. the pear trees and cherry trees in full bloom in the park along the river. an impromptu staff meeting across the river in the park. a walk across the sixth street bridge together. taking time to notice God's creation right here at work.

56

the hard days.
when we receive our best training
for lives of godliness,
when our emotions don't determine what we're living for.

55

pinery park.
the community,
the families that walk the loop night after night.
the opportunity to learn so much about healthy families,
sweet kids, attentive parents.

54

the smell of fresh cut grass.

53.

getting back up on the bandwagon.
working out.
choose water over juice or pop.
take vitamins.
small choices,
but effect my day more positively
and i am thankful
He has given me the strength to do so.
prayer and devotions next:)

52.

tiny v neck tees on my
3 year old son,
in the brightest of colors.

51.

His assurance
His affirmation.
His faithfulness.
His quiet understanding.
The way He draws my eyes back to
Himself.

fifty

planting flowers in the yard with my 4 year old. having conversations about worms. she says that worms are her favorite animal, except when they poop on her.

49

chelsea & max.
best friends
with crazy dreams.
illustrating God's promise that He knows what He is doing
because He knows what we need.

48

what parents can pass on to their children.
my mom's certainty that God is only always good.
she's stood firmly on this
and it is a part of the reason that i trust Him
with every day.

47

Carole.
beautiful servant-hearted woman of God.
lunch next thursday will be a delight to my soul.

46

connection.
the ability to meet someone once and share freely the things that God is doing.

45.

precious friendships.
such a gift
and I am not entitled to them.
when i allow love freely
and just the same apply it,
there is such freedom and rest
in the love given.
I am so thankful for the friends that remain
faithful, the ones that are loyal
amidst change
and the ones that comfort
in weakness.
Praise God for this reflection of His love
in these humble, yet full friendships.
you know who you are.
I am so thankful.

44

this corner.
these past 8 months have seen
many heart-to-hearts,
late nights, sleepovers, laughs,
stories, tears, prayers.
God Himself sat here,
present with us,
sharing in our weaknesses,
proving to be, Himself, our strength.
i'll miss this safe haven.
a & n, enjoy.

43

favor.
that God would place His favor on us, ordinary children who make constant errors in our journey to become more like Him.
He proves Himself powerful enough to satisfy our deepest longings,
our forever, constant, truth-speaking, peace-giving Father, companion, friend.

i invite you to head to the photographer's blog, [he also happens to be my soul mate]
where he captured our trip to California well.
I know you heard my side, with all the joyful gifts given,
I thought you might like to see the trip through his eyes,
and glimpse the words in memorable images..

http://nathanpenglish.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/california-kids-family-vacation-desitnation/

42

kristian,
my sister-in-law,
my brother's absolute best friend in the whole world.
carrying my niece for 8 more weeks...or maybe nephew...

41

in bed with a good book.
at 10pm.

40

jana's blog comments.
always encouraging.
always coming.
i have so much more to learn from her...

39

bright colors,
bold tastes,
no additives or preservatives. 
freshness in my refrigerator.

38

this warm, breezy, partly cloudy afternoon,
birds communicating their needs and plans,
a bit of rain on its way,
with so much quietness.
peace.
contentment.

37

a 10-month-old,
content on a ride in the stroller, then
paralyzed with happiness to see mom's and dad's faces as they get home after work.
a tiny picture, perhaps, of what awaits around every corner of heaven.

36.

such a gift is found

when someone you respect and honor

among men

takes the time to 

affirm you

in even the smallest way.

words can be worth the weight of 

gold

sometimes.

35

the bible app.
i used to be able to get up and pull my bible off the stack first thing each morning.
but people change.
i still long to start each day with God`s word but picking up my physical bible poses some new sort of challenge.
so the bible app is a gift.
it reads to me
each morning.

34

crazy kids playing and yelling outside my bedroom window at 8am.
awake since 650 it was high time that I snap to it and begin my day.
they teach us such a simple and innocent delight.

33

dr. sam.
words of blessing from a man whose wisdom i value so greatly.

32.

today's small gifts of joy: 
homemade whipped cream and fresh strawberries
[gifted from my sister], 
the laughter of my caramel colored nieces
as they delight with my own peanut butter children, 
the morning sun promising a warm day, 
and His mercy is new this morning.

thirty-one

fresh flowers. right now i have purple tulips in a big blue mason jar on my table and yellow daffodils hand picked by alivia and hayleigh in a mason jar on the window sill above the kitchen sink. spring flowers make me happy.

thirty

fresh fruit. strawberries. melon. grapes. mangos. apples. bananas. those are my favorites. especially when they are brightly colored and sweet.

29.

walking into my home after being away
for some time,
I am that much more appreciative.
I love the familiarity
of the creaks in my hard wood floors,
my favorite spot in the corner of the couch,
and that I get to call this place my home.
It is a gift to even have a home,
a safe haven,
a place of rest,
a space for Him to dwell among us,
a dry and clean place
to lay my head...

twenty-eight

I have found that God always provides at just the right time. When we had a bunch of bills to pay, a check came in the mail. When we needed a bigger car for more kids, he gave us one. Sometimes it feels  like the needs need to be met now, but He always knows the bigger picture and provides at just the right time. Right now, B.A. is loaded with work. Even though he is gone a lot this month, i know it is because God is providing for us. Jehovah Jireh. The Lord provides.

twenty-seven

the promise of heaven -
when around every corner
new discoveries await
with none of the anxiety
and all of the child-like delight.

twenty-six

change.
as one chapter closes
another promises growth and newness,
opportunities for curiosity and learning.

twenty-five

katie.
celebrating another birthday this week,
she has been
a dear sister, encourager, challenger,
and a reminder of joy as
she handles life's struggles
with integrity, grace, and patience,
and life's gifts
with appropriate celebration and gratitude.
i love this girl.

twenty-four

the gift of learning.

I am watching my 3 year old son

trace letters, ever so carefully,

with skill, not so wobbly as last time.

I watch the switches and gears turn

as he makes connections,

exercises his mind, and I am so thankful

that nothing physical impairs him.

It is a gift for him to be able to

practice self control,

patience, and diligence 

all while learning what the word

symbiotic means.

twenty-three

laughter in the lunch line
the gift of a small community of young men and women who share a common desire for education and for Jesus.
students who have come from so many different places, who were strangers 8 months ago, who share meals together now as brothers and sisters.

twenty-two

smiles.
a result of the combination between beautiful weather, dwindling days of another school year, and the eagerness for summer plans to find their fulfillment.

twenty-one

warm air
slows everyone down.
on a college campus
people are in no rush to reach the next destination.
finally
we all silently celebrate this together
while this gift produces in each just a little more love for each other.

twenty.

the gift of meat.
I know it's so simple,
and really I have been cutting back a LOT
on being a carnivore,
but I understand that we were given domain
over the livestock,
and we are to rule and subdue.
So today, I ate a big ole' juicy 
brat, the kind with pockets of cheese
and boy, was it good.
Sat in the sunshine, with the body of the Delta
dancing below my feet
on the dock.
And i was thankful.
thankful that I can exercise self control,
and still enjoy 
an animal based meal
every 
once in awhile..

nineteen.

the gift of older ones.
fathers, mothers,
father-in-laws-, mother-in-laws,
the wisdom they share
is worth the weight of gold.
I am thankful for the examples,
the fingers pointing to the Father,
and to seek truth in scripture.
I can learn from mistakes and successes
of them who have gone before.
even more rich a blessing
in the aged belonging to the Father
and walking with Him much longer
than I ever have.

eighteen

music,
on a dreary, wet day,
is hopeful
of something better

[wake up - all sons and daughters]

seventeen

coincidence
that is no coincidence at all.
confirmation - as things happen simultaneously
so authenticating God's authority over all things.
just when i start to question Him again
i read from matthew
then 
i find the very same lines in my favorite devotional
[streams in the desert]
"I certainly am in control, even of the smallest details," He whispers.

sixteen

children
with all the naivety
wonder
curiosity
humility
to see the world with such joy and surprise,
seeing all things as gifts
and teaching the rest of us to do so more

fifteen

home.
a place to return to after a day of work
or a journey away.
a space to let any guards down,
to rest.
a safe haven that gives time
for laughter and
assessment, to examine life,
and to welcome others in,
opens opportunities to know
and to be known.
a mere shadow of the home that awaits.

fourteen

regrets and worries and fears
have an end point.
do you remember in elementary school when you learned about the difference between a line, a line segment, and a ray?
a ray has a beginning and no end.
a line segment has a beginning and and end.
these burdens that we carry,
they have a beginning - they all start somewhere -
but an end?
if we have Jesus.
for He Himself is our peace.
our worries fall aside
when we trust Him
because He orchestrates all things for His glory and our good.

i'm thankful for peace, for our Jesus as the complete end to the anxieties of this life. 

thirteen

church family.
and i don't mean family in the cliche sense
these people are a gift of grace
knowing me
teaching me
week after week drawing out from me the real attitudes of my heart
and ministering to me.

twelve.

sleep.

maybe it comes as a usual thing for most people, but I went through a long season where I didn't have it. barely at all. sleep to me now is one of the most wonderful things ever created... so if my body says, "nap!" or "sleep!!" heck, I'm taking it.

eleven.

physical affection.
little armed hugs from
my son and daughter followed
by smooches with a loud smacking sound
when tamm pulls my feet
(she hates feet and it reviles her to touch them)
to drag my body closer to her while we talk
Chelsea grabbing my head
so she can stroke my eyelashes
Nathan pulling me in for a long kiss
a soft shoulder of a friend
a brother in Christ awkwardly
giving me a brief side hug,
it fills my heart and I love it
when my space is invaded.

ten.

thankful for the ability to have children.
I often think of the 2 I lost,
and the grief and sadness.
Yet, I am reminded shortly after
how quickly my prayers were answered
only a month after a miscarriage,
He opened up my womb again
and breathed new life.
So honored, so undeserving.
Praise You, Father,
the Author and Giver of Life.

p.s. these are my two besties, holding
my second born, Norah Komali.

Nine

I remember I used to lie for hours after I woke in the morning listening to the birds and the frogs and the outside noises. I'm thankful spring is here again and that trees are blooming and soon windows will be open again!

eight

my addi.
my first niece, born 7 years ago today.
i still remember waiting in that waiting room, still not sure if she was a boy or girl...
then she was here, perfect, with a head full of dark hair, her personality already foreshadowing.
now she's just as precious as she was then
curious, creative,
assertive, stubborn, and opinionated,
yet kind, generous,
makes gifts and games for any and every occasion,
and of course, she's wild and crazy.
i love this girl,
a small but mighty potential for what God might do.

seven.

the freedom that
I don't have to prove myself.
I know my worth and identity is fully hidden in Jesus Christ.
I do not need to prove who I know
or what I can do
to know that I am loved by a King.
I don't need to spend hours in front of a mirror
or speak above others
to earn an audience with His majesty.
I am small,
I am weak,
and my flesh fights the spirit all the time.
Yet, He called me by name
and I belong to Him.
I am thankful for this gift
that I am complete, I don't have to work up to it
or prove myself worthy.
because if that were the case,
I would fail miserably.
Thank you Jesus for loving me
and giving me worth
in you.

six

growth.
God grows us.
in His time.
i don't strive anymore to be who i think i should be around people.
i am quiet when i have nothing to say.
i am affectionate when i want to be.
i am lazy when i'm tired. 
i excitable when i have energy.
i am challenging when i disagree.
i like harmony more often than not.
i am me.
and it has been so freeing to know that God is the one that i live to please
and He doesn't need me to perform
because He is already pleased.

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 
philippians 1

Five.

When both my little ones sleep through the night, which has been rare these past couple of weeks due to sickness, clogged noses, and bear teeth coming in. Sleep is a gift.

Four.

Waking up to sunshine blasting through my window. It fast forwards my joy and I anticipate the day with a thankful heart.

three

the spring sun.
its warm even when the air still has a chill.
its hopeful that summer is coming.
it gives light to everything.

two.

last night I had the worst ear infection. i haven't had one since I was little. it was excruciating. but because I am learning a heart of gratitude and laid down entitlements, I sang quietly to Jesus as my ear throbbed. as I wrestled in bed, I thanked Jesus for any respite from pain, no matter how small. I thanked him for the hot water that I used to try and break down the pressure in my ear. I praised Him for being good and faithful, as I felt like crying from the nail driving deep inside my ear drum. I prayed for healing and rest, to just make it through the night without throwing up, and I am so humbled and thankful that He was so close and put his hand on my ear to stop it from screaming. Well it's morning now, my ear is in tact, there is ringing as delayed hearing in it, but the sharp needles have ceased their torture. For some reason I feel like I was in a battle last night, not against my ear, but against my flesh. my old order of things would be to wollow up in self pity and dispear, playing a begging game with God, but it wasn't like that. I was able to think clearly, able to thank and praise Him amidst wailing flesh, He was my strong tower, my source of strength, and I was aware of His presence, instead of accusing Him, questioning His mercy.

His mercy was new this morning, and I am thankful.

one

supportive family and friends, not shy to encourage, not afraid to challenge, a safe place for me to learn humility.