1048-1052

1048. rubbery celery and whipped cream cheese.

1049. thankful for the mom day today. didn't get much cleaning done, but logged in a lot of quality mom babe hours. spent time with noses in books, bottoms on the carpet being shown an intricately built ship made out of legos, the warmth upstairs from the heater, play food scattered everywhere, Olive in my lap chewing on a blue Styrofoam bullet, koko lets me paint her nails a bright pink color, she holds ever so still and doesn't use her hands properly for the next hour for fear of mussing them up. bath time with Liv, she is sick with snot creeping down her nose, but warm water and bubbles does her spirit good. Love slathering her in lotions and potions and then covering her all bundly to trap in the moisture, love that little curl that emerges when wet. 

1049. that spirit of thankfulness that shows up in my oldest son's prayer tonight at the dinner table. "Jesus, thank you so much for mom making this delicious meal. thank you for providing food for us to eat. if you didn't give us any food, we would be starving.." his prayers reveal so much when he takes the time to do so. 

1050. french tip nails. 

1051. husband's soft eyes full of love and gentleness. he pulls me in too many times to count for hearty embraces and lots of smooches where ever he can find skin, and i love when he tries to smell me and grab my butt. 

1052.  my eye lashes are growing back. 

1039-1047

1039. his grace and favor in my marriage. we are friends again-it didn't last too too long [praise the Lord] but i have not let it pass without choosing to learn and grow. so thankful for my spouse, who is in  this for life- i am humbled by the many sorry's, the i was wrong's, and please forgive me's. may my heart never harden or be filled with pride and arrogance that i can't see past it and find common ground before the throne along with my husband.

1040. the makeup sex just so happens to be a real treat as well. thank you Lord. did You invent that?

1041. extra dry champagne, fresh fruit, fruit juice. all this combined makes the most delicious mimosa.

1042. thankful that some of those baby goals i had at the beginning of the year are actually unfolding for me, and i love that i am learning to see this stuff through. 

1043. tacos and talks with tamm.

1044. deepening new friendships, the gift of being pursued and pursing is such a wonderful language worth learning.

1045. the fun and rare opportunity to lead worship with my husband. i didn't realize how much i missed it until we got to do it and Jesus put his hands on both our shoulders and blessed it, and i would like to explore that with him again, if it another way we can serve Jesus together.

1046. i can't believe that i like coffee a lot and appreciate it more than i ever have. it is so silky and smooth, i like it that i can drink something hot that isn't as heavy as chocolate soup [and believe me, i LOVE chocolate soup], but i still get the hot-warm-up-your-insides- affect, AND, it helps me go to the bathroom, so that's an extra bonus.

1047. sunday evenings that don't require us to be anywhere. 

1031- 1038

1031 dreaming with chelsea of all of the things that could be. someday. 1032 food-sharing with jana 1033 and having a pal to workout with and to catch up on all of those life stories that spill on treadmills and stretching mats 1034 a little rest, from all of the meeting and talking and new possibilities. i didn't see it as a gift until i realized that this is an exact picture of what i asked for just days ago. so thank You. 1035 a sleeping baby, even if she is in the swing instead of the crib 1036 3 miles on wednesday. without stopping or walking. never have i ever. 1037 gymrattin' - i didn't expect the addiction, but i don't mind it either. 1038 cornerstone's gym and running into friends there! i'm always so much more motivated when i get to talk to people i know

1025-1030

1025. thankful for the bridge between me and her-where once perhaps pockets of jealousy and resentment may have clouded, she and i now walk back and forth between the bridge, we take the time to chat and clean lindsey's kitchen together and share in our love for her, rather than compete for it.

1026. john and rosa, still getting to know these two honored souls, but oh, how my heart is warmed at their nearness, the gentle dentist scoops my youngest cooing and singing to her, dancing around the kitchen with her grinning in his arms, he is reluctant to give her up, and her, his soulmate, all sharp and wise with those black rimmed glasses, she takes the time to encourage and rave about my food made with love, and i am humbled and honored that she would take the time to praise me. they love easily and i am thankful to be a recipient.

1027. matt and abigail, always always willing to serve and love our family in what ever way possible. thankful for their-I'LL FINISH THIS POST but my husband wants me to go to bed

1028. that today was a shower and makeup day. with all this anxiety about my eye going bad, i have felt like my beauty is going to waste away quickly following, so it was encouraging, to shower, semi blow dry my hair, and take time to do my makeup. i even put on falsies and it felt like two little butterflies landed on me:)  i put my contacts in and i loved not having to peer behind foggy glass and red rimmed bars. I felt beautiful today, and i am humbled and grateful that Jesus gave me that. it is rare, but it is good.

1029. Jimmy John's sells their homemade bread loaves from the day before for only 35 cents a log.

1030. raspberry white mocha. i don't get these often, but they taste like pure bliss.

1031. wandering around family fare with my 3 kids that were well on their way to losing it, just trying to get my groceries efficiently and koko gets nasty cut on her pointer finger from grabbing a showcase guitar string, and ben is bounding up and down aisles asking question after question, and little Liv, sucking on an empty bottle-i know the time is ticking-and there he is, my beautiful husband, appearing out of nowhere, again, to my rescue. i don't know HOW many times he has come to my aide. but i still get giddy and excited when he arrives.[please excuse if i write a story about this later. it is a poem waiting to be written:)]

1032. redemption thread woven for my friend. amidst chaos, separation, uncertainty, the Father certainly leaves His red thread of promise and redemption for her, to trust Him all the more, that the thread has to lead somewhere...either to an end or to a beginning. 

1017-1024 God is good

1017. // im thankful for lasagna. did you know I love lasagna? anything pasta. definite weakness.

1018. // im thankful for the 10 girls that I get to walk with... the little seventh graders with seventh grade hearts and minds and curiousity and fears. Im thankful for real questions and tears and promptings by the spirit that lead to salvation. SALVATION GUYS!!! A FEW OF MY GIRLS ACCEPTED JESUS AS THEIR SAVIOR TONIGHT!!!!!!!! I know it will be a constant constant walk toward Jesus and true knowledge of the gospel and the ability to fully grasp it. but, a few of them really wanted it tonight.. really really wanted it. enough to ask for it in front of their friends. and i cant stop thinking about that.

1019. // Bri and Ryan. their baby cozy home nestled above us, that Oshi who bounds and leaps and scares the actual poop out of my baby dog. their hospitality and constant community. This season of life where we get to do this. and its fun. their friendship has been such a constant blessing...sharing laundry and dishes and tv shows and... lasagna.

1020. // sitting across from Amy Burke and hearing her heart next to Caleb... talking of prayer and fighting for this like its normal. oh, how different it is from a year ago. how proud I am. how I cant believe this is real. How good my God is.

1021. // Kiwi and tart cherry juice which helps me sleep lately. heck even the fact that i like to sleep lately that I crave it. I truly believe lil Millie and my husband have made this reality for me. I LOVE being in bed with them. Im never very early to work anymore because of it. Thats the drawback. I'll stay all deep and cozy as long as possible.

1022. // sushi and drinks with friends at the Republic. even though I LOVE AND ADORE having friends with kids, we prayed when we married for also friends without kids and it has been a blessing to have this pocket of friends that are in the same season of life.

1023. // writing.

1024. // being friends, REAL friends with two people that I never thought could be REAL LIVE OH WANNA HANG OUT THIS WEEKEND friends. the naturalness of it. the comfort-ability. the teasing and the sitting in boothes (4 out of 7 days this week) with them sharing life together. I believed it could happen... and it took a long time but I am so so so grateful.

1010-1016

1010. when i check this blog and find another post of gifts, i get so excited and smile to myself taking the time to read each one listed. this is such a source of joy and i love it that we have been so faithful to it, and it only spurs on more thankfulness.

1011. thankful for a clean home, candles burning, lights low-i came home last night with my husband and i just sensed the rest that resides here. i love our baby house, i think it is so cute and cozy, and i am so thankful for this home we have made our own.

1012. had another horrible dream last night, but in the midst of that confusing darkness, i am so so thankful for my husbandcovering, that pulls me with out with his gentle voice, calling out to me and skillfully navigating me up back to the surface. he prays over me, offers his strong arm for me to anchor to, and is present until i can lower my heart rate, lower my desperate gasps for air. i don't understand these fearful evil dreams, but i am thankful Jesus doesn't leave me during that time-or any time-and He offers comfort and care for me through the gift of my husband.

1013. heat kicking on through the vent, throughout the house. what would we do without it.

1014. a night of laughter with my three friends, a hearty bowl of cheddar ale soup beforehand.

1015. Liv's laughter. that little giggle, that cheeky grin with random teeth protruding.

1016. chocolate chip cookies that were made with chickpeas and no sugar or eggs. i didn't really like them but my kids loved them, so i guess they weren't a complete failure..

1001-1009

1001. friends to remind me to be thankful
1002. i'm gonna say it again, not because i'm being braggy, but because i really am thankful to have a warm, crackling fire to look at right now while i type
1003. a mommy daughter date with hayleigh today. the best part....she held my hand the whole time we walked around the mall. i'll savor these years forever. 
1004. a mutual love for reading and books with hayleigh. the joy that comes with starting a new book. the smell of the pages. the hours of imagination. the satisfaction of finishing a good book.
1005. coaching hayleigh's basketball team. i actually signed us up 2 days late becuase i kept going back and forth on if we should do the winter season or not. finally i signed up. today we played (it was our 9th game). and for the FIRST time ever....we won!! it felt amazing. we do not stress that winning is important to the girls, but it sure does feel good to win once and a while! and hayleigh scored 8 of our 14 points. so i'm a pretty proud mom!
1006. (taken from facebook from a couple days ago) wake up today with a really sore throat. don't feel like I can get up. decide the kids will just have to be late to school. go back to sleep. wake up a couple hours later and my sister has come over, gotten my kids ready, and taken them to school. she has Leena with her and she left me home alone to sleep. love her!
1007. when i seek God He satifsfies my soul.
1008. thursday morning MAC. 
1009. taking the kids to Big Hero 6 at the theater. the excitement and popcorn. 

1000

2 years of partnership with these most wonderful + beautiful + faithful + long-suffering + confident + treasured sisters. together, 1000 gifts. and thousands more to come. chels, linds, jan - all my love <3

987-999

987 macey's excitement at painting paper fingernails 988 molly's mesmerized addiction to the ceiling fan 989 a new favorite cafe 990 em's patient listening last night when my heart came out of my mouth and all over the living room. it was due time. 991 bb oak smiles 992 3-month-old full body post-nap stretches 993 the way a tiny baby fits puzzle-piece-like 994 clean baby + lotion smell 995 boot delivery to the spanish-speaking kindergarten classroom 996 all day pj day with blonde curls and blue eyes 997 a consistent schedule 998 kroc center date with k coming soon... 999 boot socks

983-986

983. // days at home painting that make my days at work so enjoyable. I get up in the morning early. I shower and curl my hair and actually do my makeup and put on sleek black clothes and then head into work and it makes me feel a live and well again. Such a contrast to the life that I soak up having long days home alone with pigmented oils, sweat pants, no deodorant and linseed oil. how I enjoy my life. sometimes I think of it, and I gasp at this treasure. I have never ever been this happy before.

984. // my husband: he thinks I take it for granted and I try not too but I am sure I do. How he keeps our life running. seriously. I dont know half of the things he does and half the things he takes care of and I love him so much. I think he is so sexy and tall and husky and bearded with big muscles and I love when he comes home and tells me about his run or how he plans to build something and he tells me all the stuff I cant even fathom like the measurements and the tools and the kind of wood and sometimes I loose track of what hes saying because I dont really know what plywood is but I really really like that he tells me all the details and so I listen or try to listen. I love you baby.

985. // is this tmi? I dont know. I love that when we wake up and we are half asleep he pulls me really close and puts those long arms around me. it makes me just stop moving because I dont want him to stop. i soak up this affection because it is definitely my love language and not fully his and so I feel like I am a plant that just got watered that could GUSH with happiness. im gushing.

986. // i love that recently I got to spend time with my Mom. She was like a little girl she just hopped up on the couch and pulled her legs in close to her chest and we were both in sweat pants and she was just talking and telling me stories and it was so fun. I took a picture of it in my mind. Then we went out to dinner, just the two of us which we never get to do. and we just talked like we are friends. and we are friends. and she just encourages me so much and makes me feel like Im doing a good job in my life and thriving and she makes me feel like she is proud of me and I feel so lucky so blessed to have her as my Mom. Also, I really like it when people think I am funny because I have a sense of humor that some people dont connect with, but there I was in Vitales doing the sweatpants dance and she just was laughing at me. And then I heard her telling someone else the story and how funny it was and I just felt so happy inside. I felt enjoyed. and that is such a gift and I am so grateful for these special moments. My Mom is so humble and beautiful and just such a godly lady. She is so wise. I am so blessed. Thank you Jesus for her.

987.// Im so thankful for Linds. She is one of the strongest most beautiful people that I know. I feel blessed to be able to walk this journey with her. I feel so blessed that she walks it with me. How long have I known you now? Its been forever I think! But I feel I know you best now. Before it was so surface and now we have dug deep and built a foundation and I would call you one of my best friends Linds. Im so happy that over all these years God has knit a friendship with you. thank you.thank you for teaching me what it means to be strong and loyal and true and to love like Jesus. NO MATTER WHAT... and also I think your a babe.

975.-982

975. letter writing. with an actual pen and paper. i pray that never goes extinct.

976. the smell of granola being crisped up in the oven. i made a little extra this time.

977. shared meals with my family. these are beginning to be of great joy [not that they already weren't] for me, and i love taking the time to prep, cook, and serve my little family a meal. i am taking the time to invest more in it, rather than throwing food on the table, floor, or in front of the tv. i am setting the table with dishes, silverware, and cups. i gather clutter off the table to make room for this hour of supper and fellowship. i try and make more than one thing, like a main, a side, and some sort of fruit or vegetable. i like it. i am learning a lot bout each of my family members just by what gets revealed at the table. this is such a gift to me, as both a wife, mother, and household general manager.

978. unity and peace with my spouse. i do not take it for granted that my husband and i are on the same page and both desire peace and humility in all things. i am thankful we are unified as far as taking the time to communicate, learning how the other works, and choosing to pursue and invest in the marriage. i am so undeserving and understand how quickly marriages can be put under siege, and i am doing my best to cherish the treasure we have found in each other, and walk with a grateful heart.

979. tiny cat naps with liv crawling in my lap, the olders down below playing a riotous game of Cuties with their dad.

979. thankful that my son still loves to cuddle and still asks to be held and drawn into my arms. praying he never loses that tenderness and desire for affection and closeness like his mama.

980. Olive's skin is doing so much better. she had an infection inside her eczema and has been having to take medicine twice a day for it, but it is helping tremendously and she isn't scratching nearly as much. her skin looks soft and approachable once again.

981. learning a lot about the character of God. hadn't taken the time to do that in a long time, but as i read and study, He is making Himself known and I love relearning Him and feeling so small and content next to how big and vast He is. 

982. it is so small, but she, who i once waged war with-at least heart to heart, is slowly taking the time to pursue me and show me her smallness. we take small steps towards each other, and i am thankful to see that only a God of redemption and healing could have orchestrated this-i never ever could have come back on my own. the hurt and anger was enormous, the act of forgiveness was hard, but praise God He works in weak souls like us, and that it is Him doing all the work, i don't have to lean on my own understanding. she asked to connect* with me on social media, for the second time, and i think i am ready.

960-974

960 these new tennis shoes 961 i like running? i've been running 2 miles consistently. and enjoying it. and considering running further. because of these new shoes. i'm so happy. 962 school. online classes through the institute for integrative nutrition. 963 baby bath splash fest 964 closure, an answer from a mutual friend. now i know. and it is well. 965 opportunity. a conversation with a man, 29, who loves God with his whole heart. i didn't know this kind still existed. thankful to be reminded [yet i reserve 7000] and i never have to settle. 966 kind and life-provoking words from a pastor who has known this heart for many years now 967 a new coffee shop, with an old friend, a beautiful and transformed and lovely friend. 968 the best homemade healthy oat and nut and dried fruit bar ever tasted 969 place of need. back here is painful, but back here is hopeful, more real than wherever i am when i'm not here. when i'm living out of my own strength and pride and short-lived contentment 970 muscle tone + definition 971 fleece-lined leggings 972 weekend in wixom. lauren. my blonde, asian sunshine. 973 social media networking with new friends. new. like-minded. friends. nutrition-minded friends. 974 my Father knows what i need. this line that replays and replays in my mind each morning. His new mercies.

955-959

955. my two brand new gold rimmed letter etched mugs from anthro, on sale for 6 bucks each. they are bits of beauty, that hold warmth and i sip my "chocolate soup"-my son made that up as i sit here and write.

956. quiet afternoons with kids playing calmly and quietly, getting my tasks slowly but steadily done, room to breathe, pray, and enjoy the peace of my home.

956. thankful, so thankful for His Word. What a difference it is making in my life, my attitude, and my very soul, just by reading and meditating on scripture consistently. I forgot the joy it brings. [due to my unfaithfulness.]

956. exiting a season of listlessness and fear. exiting a distance between me and my Father, and entering a season of rest and the very real presence of God. 

957. lots of writing and reading. two of may favorites. so thankful for the time to do both. 

958. meals given in joy and pleasure. thankful for eager and willing families, him with the broken wrists, her with the new babe, they are not too prideful to accept a meal, and i feel called to give it.

959. little ben offering his beloved Whitey, a stuffed animal that is a well loved dog with sad eyes. 
he asked me to sew him up and i was able to do it. i felt like it was a major mom son moment.

946-954

946. long black slender body shaper that gives me a little umph and confidence to wear clothes closer to my skin without bulge and spillage.

947. squats. they lead to a tighter butt, better posture, stronger legs, and overall improved body shape.

948. the huge mirror nathan bought me from costco to complete my front entryway.

949. time with my sister. she is a good listener, and for the most part it is easy going and restful spending time with her. she is hospitable and always has great food and all the best toys;)

950. a little worship session with nathan. love singing and playing worship music with him.

951. salmon dip and pita chips. so yum.

952. colored pencils, color key code, intense Bible study. I really really love this new class. 

953. late night chats in a heated van with the engine running, she sips her tea and spills her heart, and i am so thankful that i am considered a confidante she deems worth sharing both the beautiful and the messy.

954. Jimmy Fallon. Love him. He does a great job. 

936-945

936. 3 beautiful girls that want to cuddle in my bed with me everynight.
937. a head and neck rub during church that was exactly what i needed.
938. homemade chicken noodle soup
939. friends who love to play board games with me. 
940. i now know how to change the oil and filter in a car myself thanks to a great teacher.
941. sitting with a bunch of my best friends in the bleachers this sunday.
942. quality time spent with him.
943. my sister is always available and willing to help when i need it most.
944. florida sunshine and sand and pool.
945. the gray and blue winter sky sunday around midnight from my backyard. 

930-935

930. i am going blind and my eyes are getting stuck together, yet, i can still see enough to find my way in the dark and i can still drive. i am thankful for what little time left i have to see. every day is a gift that my eyes, rusty and rundown as they are, can see for the moment.

931. church today was so good. excellent sermon, walking and learning our way through Luke, and then afterwards, her, the wife of the shepherd, taking time to teach me and invite me into upcoming class, her gentle intentional coaxing, giving me confidence to stand on that i belong. And her, with the tanned boobs and face, she is radiant and confident amidst her giant estranged mate floating in and out, she knows her worth and is discovering her beauty, and i love her. got to see lavender too [chels* so accurately named her] she gushes and smells of sunshine and granola and is just so appreciative of us, when really we are so thankful for the gift she is to us. and not to forget my slender necked gwenni, her black leather flapping from her ears, her sexy bed headed waves floating  in front of me. we're always speaking the same language with our eyes, our hugs, and literally, our language. 

932. black bean soup and asiago bagels from panera.

933. she, who i am wary of but still trying to shed kindness upon, every so often gives me a gift of kind words too, and i am thankful for any time she chooses to acknowledge me without the harshness.

934.  two tiny french braids allowed to be weaved by my middle. she holds ever so still and is delighted and thankful when i am finished. I always wanted a daughter who would let me do her hair and here she is right in front of me as we stand in front of the bathroom mirror.

935. carrot orange ginger homemade juice. it is tart, refreshing, and feels so good to drink pulpy nutrients. and it is such a gorgeous deep orange color.

924 - 929

924. dog farts... because well, lets face it, i dreamt about smelling that smell wafting up a few months ago and now... it is loud and clear and here.

925. hes playing video games and im just sitting here farting around on my computer and we're a cute little family him and i and our dog fart.

926. meals with exboyfriend and their wife.. and it feeling natural and friendly and enjoyable. Nothing awkward or unusual, just brothers and sisters and husbands and wives "doing life together."

927. The thought of kicking my butt to prep it for israel. just the thought, not the action. Jana is way more hard core than me.

928. health.

929. another day. it might be my last.

917-923

917. i cleaned the kitchen, even though i was freezing cold.

918. i cleaned the bathroom, even though Liv was scooting all over the floor, and i was still freezing.

919. thankful that so far, i have been doing well with my renewed purpose to be more heathy. i have been drinking large amounts of water spiked with apple cider vinegar, i have been eating fruits, raw vegetables, and even threw out so much soda and candy. I am doing my best to steer clear of bread and sugar.

920. i have been getting some good workouts in as well, and those leave me joyful and encouraged, and a good kind of sore. Each evening before i go to bed, nathan does 30-50 push ups and I hold a plank for that duration. its fun to do even just a tiny bit together.

921. i am starting an evening torah portion class on tuesday evenings and i am so excited about it. I love that it will be consistent learning, diving into the Word, and sharing the experience with other women.

922. being snowed in. as much as cabin fever is just on the edges, i like to be holed up sometimes with nowhere to go.

923. thankful for sleep. when ever i can get it. 

906-916

906. a quick flight to seattle with my husband, the adventurer, he keeps us moving and exploring, and alive

907. jagged clefts, the richest greens covering moss and pine trees, the pacific north west, what epic beauty.

908. laser shows in the basement, so bizarre and weird, but how mesmerizing and unapologetic

909. hiking along the pacific ocean, exploring and wandering, i am capable to get from point a to b on foot.

910. the hospitality of r&a, still navigating that friendship, but they try and they are warm and inviting, no matter how modern and trendy they may seem.

911. good sex. i don't know what the heck is going on, but there has been an increase in both the action and the quality and i am praisin' Jesus for this fragile rowdy gift that i as a wife am allowed to partake in. it's awesome.

912. thankful for the ability to choose to eat healthier and to have good options available, as well as clean drinking water.

913. catching up with a family i haven't talked or seen in so long. the easy and eager camaraderie was so refreshing. as we all have reached adulthood, in some ways equal ground, how fun to chat and laugh and be seen and recognized in a new light rather than the bugley eyed blue coke bottle glass with blunt bangs that i used to be.

914. curly hair. i like it. it's ok for me to have long home school hair as long as i curl it once in a while, right?

915. tiny bottles of alcohol that resemble the original size.

916. thankful and assured that my God is my Protector. my Warrior, He fights on my behalf. He demolishes strongholds and casts away demons of fear, anxiety, all evil.

917. weird selfie texts from my chelsea letting me know she is alive and hasn't forgot me. there is no pretense between us. 

901-905

901. Netflix. not obsessed. just a new tool that helps me rest... TAMMY not obsessed.

902. dim lit lighting, these teensy christmas lights glowing in our bedroom that is not harsh but flattering and warm

903. the ability to, at a moments notice, contact ANYONE across the states easily.

904. the gas prices. tonight tamm tamm said "they're basically giving gas away now."

905. Tammy. Loyal consistent will always love me no matter.. Jesus like love Tammy.

894-900

894 french braids gathered symmetrically into rows down 2 sides, keeps blonde hair out of little eyes 895 age 8. when the world comes to life. reading, lego building, "banking" in the [board] game of life. this process, probably more than any other, makes me so proud, when a little girl becomes a girl, and a little boy becomes a boy. 896 a moment. when chocolate+caramel+sugar is bypassed for a steamy cup of green tea with a splash of lemonade 897 sore forearm, product of an afternoon of new year's day tradition with family, the alley, the pins, and the coconut-ball 898 fresh polish 899 the encouragement that it is to me, too, to have a workout buddy [at least] once/week 900 new stabilizing tennis shoes, and running feels so much better