1657-1665

1657. fresh bread made by my hidden talented baker Nathan! His bread tastes wonderful, and it pairs perfectly well with Kerrygold Irish grass fed butter. makes my heart so happy to eat it. 

1658. although i am not super confident or a self assured hostess [hopefully that isn't completely bad] i am thankful to the Lord for helping me open our home to so many people and offer simple, yet warm and purposeful hospitality. It is stretching me to forget myself,  not over analyze or get caught up in a performance, but to be a little candle light and make sure people feel loved with a Christ love. It is Him and Him alone at work within me, none of it is my fearful, uncertain, busybody self. Thank you Jesus for giving me numerous chances to love despite my anxiety and fear. We will be having overnight guests which again, causes that doubt and worry to rise up in my flesh, but I know He is good and He will direct my steps. 

1659. umbrellas. the wet light that bounces off the street from gathered raindrops. the gray clouds with the hint of sun behind them. 

1660. little floral printed shirt for koko. it looks so cute on her, with her tiny curls hugging the edges of her face, and her hair gathered in a wild bun. I love her. 

1661. a husband that washes the dishes by hand over and over again, even though we should be taking turns, who loads the washer with stacked up dirty clothes, who organizes the trash bins with recycled things, compost, and regular trash. He is such an unselfish and thoughtful person and i don't deserve a man who cares for our household so well. 

1662. a few trips slowly turning from just talk to in the works..

1663. walking home from where ever we are, i just love that we can walk and know where things are and are capable to get ourselves places without having to rely on outside transportation. 

1664. all the wonderful presents sent to us in card board boxes, making it a very joyful Christmas morning for us.  i am humbled at the generosity of others. 

1665. new makeup brushes, a beautiful makeup pallet on its way, adding to my little budding love of makeup narnia 

1641-1656

1641.  fresh cut flowers on the table

1642. time alone to shop, to read, to write, to walk the streets in no hurry

1643. fresh bread and rolls generously given by Daniel

1644. extra light in the dining room

1645. a week off from tons of events jammed into each week

1646. mulled wine

1647.  the smell of clean clothes draped on the furnace to dry

1648. the weather still is nothing to complain about

1649. mincemeat pies

1650. tea. milk. tea pots. scones. jam. clotted cream

1651. thankful my friends are still willing to keep up with me and try and stay connected

1652. face time with little jeannie. she always greets me with joy and excitement and that always makes me feel special and loved

1653. that some of these oxford students aren't like all the rest and understand me just fine, even my use of sound effects to explain something or a feeling

1654. deepening friendship with neil and ruth. that they express their love and appreciation verbally. 

1655. glass green bottles

1656. olive's little voice talking in simple yet clear sentences. "help me, mama." "hold it?" "downstairs." "love you! mornin'!" 

1632-1640

1632. introvert time at panera. first time all week. sigh.
1633. having many many good friends. i've felt the joy and blessing of having people in my life who are not shallow, who really care about me.
1634. self awareness. i'm learning how to be healthfully self aware.
1635. it's beginning to look a lot like christmas!! songs, decorations, cold, trees, cookies, etc
1636. provision financially.
1637. a new curling wand.
1638. christmas light strung up outside the house.
1639. seat warmer in my van.
1640. and a remote starter.

1629-1631

1629. Quiet morning knowing that my two loves are sleeping together a safe in bed and I still get a few hours of reading and coffee and chitchat with a friend far away

1630. Writing and reading, a bubbling up of desire for these things again since being off my medication. 

1631. The desire to be authentic. To be honest. To chip away these things that were perhaps instruments of performance and instead work from the heart to create and find rest in the goodness and the jobs God has already handed me. 

1623-1628

1623. A long day, feeling drained and empty, and kind words from my father in law, taking time to uplift me in my tiny beautyness, so unexpected but so welcomed and cherished.  He said, "you're beautiful, Jana. You even look beautiful on the phone!" okaaaaaay. 1624. meeting in our home with other believers, opening the Word, building up community 1625. Being reminded in 1st Peter that trials are to be welcomed and expected, suffering is a gift, and to be beared with honor and surrender to the Father 1626. Thankful that being here is only continuing to press me into Him, hiding my self worth and identity in Him, for I really am the smallest-not said with pride, but a bit of embarrassment and reality. I have the least to offer intelligence wise, but it doesn't matter, I belong to Him, I have no real ability or success to hold onto, only Him. 1627. Groceries are being delivered tommorow and somehow clotted cream, scones and jam ended up in the shopping cart;) 1628. My husband's smile. it is always genuine, full of warmth and promise and safety

1612-1622

1612.  hot water to wash the dishes with
1613. two toilets in our house
1614. a bath tub
1615. no bra wearing days
1616. bra and makeup wearing days
1617. skyping spontaneous with my mom! 
1618. good news about the health and well being of my mom. thank you Lord
1619. somebody bought their tickets to come visit!!!!! t a m m y !! [can you all come please?:)]
1620. walks with the family. exploring past the city streets and more where the wild things are
1621. snacks and soda late at night with nathan after all the kids are tucked away
1622. a fun and festive week arriving here soon!

1603-1611

1603. Olive always tromping around the house in her little brown boots. No one tells her to put them on or even helps her, but she somehow always finds them and wears them around the house. Little gift to hear her clunking in those little feet. 1604. Magnum chocolate bar. 1605. A surge of jealousy rose up for just an instant and I had to pull it by a rope and stop it, strangle it and remind myself there was no need to be. 1605. The God who sees me. What is that in Hebrew? Lindsey? Chelsea? Can you tell me? 1606. A home available to serve, feed, and offer peace and rest to strangers who then become family. 1607. A variety of different unique glasses. 1608. That I don't hate washing dishes by hand nearly as much as I did 8 years ago. I don't mind it at all. 1609. Adele's sultry romantic sad voice. powerful and soothing. 1610. The affection of my husband. He is always finding a reason to touch or caress me and I really love that. 1611. A kind and thoughtful response from the shepherd.

1595 - 1602

1595 baked parsnip chips 1596 flowers in my living room. a soft orange bouquet accents the gold tray and the teal ottoman perfectly. 1597 dan's preaching. always blown away at the way his mind thinks and still the depth to which he delights in God's words. and thankful that he and his sweet wife continue to be such dear friends to me. 1598 2 nights out at the corner of bridge and fourth, with some of my dearest friends 1599 sam + caleb, raime, sara, lindsey, megan, brendan. how this random group of people has become my favorite sunday night activity i'll never know. but why i love them so much i understand. we do life together. we share real fears, humble confessions, and happy news. we listen to each other - we ask good questions. we challenge and sharpen. we sit, we talk, we - be. we give the gift of time to one another. and we stand together on the common ground that is Jesus. 1600 november 16. another warm night, an after-work jog in crop pants and short sleeves. 1601 an honest reply from megan. still mourning the loss of her sister, a missed small group, but a genuine invitation into a bit of her heart. 1602 a gold-framed mirror where the clash of silver used to hang

1584-1594

1584.  walking home from church and the sun was out and it was warmer than anticipated so we could shed out coats

1584. cream tea with Judy. one of my highlights so far.

1585. field trips with sweet ruth and our kids. her friendship. her encouragement. her kids. 

1586. walking. two feet to do so. 

1587. growing in confidence and capability in finding my way around the city. i can find a place without ever having been there before. it really enables me to spread out a little more each time

1588. a wonderful birthday filled with messages of love and encouragement, unexpected gifts, face time calls, fun outings, everything you could want in a birthday. 

1589. leggings.

1590. cooking in the kitchen. a set table. a full table. 

1591. the english countryside. it is breath taking 

1592.  in the English household, we are now officially allowed to listen to Christmas music! But i am still looking forward to thanksgiving 

1593.  Walter Longmire

1594. i am healthier than i have been in a long time and that really encourages me

1579-1583.

1579. Saturday night church w Hayleigh.

1580. competition. in 4th grade basketball. and the girls learning to be aggressive. 

1581. a day to sleep in.

1582. one week back at it. exercise every day and clean eating.

1583. a fun night out celebrating Cody and chatting with friends till late.

1571-1578

1571. texting with jana through out the day. she didn't feel so far away.

1572. Raime's guitar, her voice, and all the songs she has written that I got to enjoy.

1573. hanging out with Elsie and Breckie this morning for a bit.

1574. stairs. 4 times. time with baby Chelsea.

1575. another gray windy rainy day. 

1576. exactly 6 weeks till Christmas! the most wonderful time of the year. 

1577. friends that will listen to me external process and hear all my deep secrets. and support me and encourage me.

1578. hope.

1557-1560

1557- Thankful for an egg omelette. With coffee. 

1558- Thankful for one on one time with Mom and Lindsey today. 

1559- Thankful to see my Dad all cozy and happy and retired. 

1560- Thankful for rest and rain and a cozy day in.

1558 - 1566

1558. 60 + sunny + tiny molly on the back of a bike, baby helmet included 1559. receiving so much love from the most dependent little one 1560. still those leftovers of the crock pot enchilada quinoa success 1561. long walk with raime and a sweet sleeping baby around reed's lake. time to talk about life and dreams and fears and personality, time to listen and ask questions, and the gift of deeper understanding 1562. the last of 6 coaching circle calls. 90 minutes of engaged, challenging dialogue with like-minded people 1563. dark chocolate - low in sugar, high in iron 1564. study time at rowster 1565. consistent family times on the calendar for the next months 1566. seeing how God is slowly changing my heart, my language, and faithfulness to reading and meditating on the book of james

1554-1557

1554. This empty feeling which means I must draw closer to God because I am forgetting that he alone can fill, he alone is my success, he alone is my love. 

1555. Window open all night long in November!!!! 😱 I love sleeping with the window open and the fresh air seeping in. 

1556. Long car ride just for fun yesterday with max... The sun high in the sky. Picking up apples and beets at "under the pines"... An evening at home with just to two of us for hours, a rare occasion. 

1557. Sleep. Good sleep lately. 

1548-1553

1548. a lush face mask from Raime. refreshment for my skin.

1549. gray skies and drops of rain.

1550. talks about life after death with the girls on the way to school. grateful for their little hearts.

1551. day one complete of clean eating and exercise after a brief time off.

1552. empathy and encouragement. 

1553. a walk to the red tree with just Leena. 

1541.-1547

1541. a long day with the kiddos while nathan was at conference. He came home, helped clean up for dinner and then excused himself for a few minutes. I worked on clearing the dishes and the kids would run back and forth giggling saying dad had a fun surprise for me. Finally the kids took me by the hand and made me close my eyes. They led me up the stairs, trying not to trip over strewn toys and old laundry and they stopped at the bathroom door. They shouted with glee, "open your eyes mom!!" Nathan and had drawn a hot bath with tons of bubbles, and lit candles. He even brought the wireless speaker up there and set up to play classic christmas jazz.. he told me to take all the time i wanted and he would finish cleaning up and getting the kids ready for bed. i felt like crying. i was so tired from 3 long days in a row and i know it was long for him too, but it was so kind and thoughtful of him and the kids to serve me that way. I got to take a bath, get alone time, and nathan only came in once to bring me a little container of chocolate chips. HUGE UNDESERVED gift.

1542. ukulele practice. love playing on this tiny instrument and it brings me joy. 

1543. autumn days. the air is breathable and clear, there is color everywhere, and its scarf and sweater season. 

1543. a ride in the car with him who i judged harshly at first, turns out to be an actual solid guy.  I am still shrewd as a snake, but trying to remain harmless as a dove. 

1543. meeting in homes, community, big pots of soup and crusty bread, prayers lifted. this is pleasing to the Father

1544.  tea. tea. tea. and more tea. especially with homemade cream. 

1545. face time calls with CHELSEA, LINDSEY, JEANNE, and LINDSEY!!!! the best gifts!!!

1546. hobnobs. crunchies, bountys. mars. england seems to be the champions of candy bars. they are all great and sometimes nathan brings me home one late at night and it makes my day

1547. confidence, security, rest, and affirmation of who i am in Christ. I am surrounded by brilliance and high achieving successful people, so its easy to feel small and stupid and of little worth, but God has been so faithful and kind to me. He is my portion. 

1535-1540

1535. long dark evenings to have introvert time.

1536. coaching Hayleigh's first basketball game. so much adrenaline and fun.

1537. large size white chocolate creamer found at Walmart today because target was sold out.

1538. paper mate flair colorful pens.

1539. long drives worshipping in the car on the way out to Lowell to worship and learn at impact. 

1540. Jesus the intercessor. so I can come before an AWEsome God.

1531- 1534

1531. orange + green tree dancing outside the wall of windows 1532. sweet older lady lets out a quiet gasp and eyes wide with delight as her son sets the latte art in front of her 1533. a sleepy 6-weeker is passed from mother to father in the comfy chairs while the people fill the seats 1534. where the baristas enjoy making a chai latte perfectly to my liking: sugar content low and spice content high

1524-1530

1524. a few hours with johnny while his mama has yet one more doctor's appt to check up on the baby sisters 1525. friday night lights with em+al+grace+cass. temps in the upper 40s, a small breeze, leaves across the concrete, hot drinks at half time. and watching super star brayden, who reminds me of david playing WR at FHE 1526. still waking up so early every day, and then the sun wakes up too. the most productive days. 1527. ferris parking lot at 830am on a saturday. 30 minutes to write on the blog before the doors open...at 9 1528. that theological discussion with baby linds a couple of days ago. i love when my mind and my heart are required to exercise. 1529. deep breaths, with little anxiety and good rest. feeling so different from just a few weeks ago 1530. a new [blue] decal in the entryway.

1511-1523

1511. november heatwave. t-shirts, sunburn, and driving with the windows down. 1512. estella, selena, and lainey. sweet, responsible little girls. 1513. a good week with molly. cuddles, those little moments when it is clear that she loves me and feels safe with me. 1514. watching a quiet cul de sac out an open window while the warm air swirls around my face and my bare feet. 1515. the beginnings of animal sounds from the littlest one. 1516. beauty of meijer gardens and the generous ones who made such a place possible. that statue of the two of them <3 1517. gold+cream globe to match the living room 1518. a few evenings with rach. they're rare, but they're appreciated. 1519. letters ready for the mailbox, hand-written on lovely $1 cards from trader joe's 1520. pear/carrot/blueberry baby food pouches. i don't care, i love them. 1521. waking up this morning just a couple of minutes before my alarm, feeling fully rested and ready for the day 1522. warm air vaporizer to keep me healthy through the winter 1523. perfume from katie, from the farmers' market: jimmy choo love? awesome. i'm a fan.

1506-1510

1506. a new haircut at the last minute by one of my best friends.

1507. fun makeup at the holiday open house. makes me feel pretty. 

1508. a gathering to have conversation about race and reconciliation. 

1509. a job interview for a friend. 

1510. slows bar BQ. yum. 

1496-1505

1496. a tiny mexican joint where we can feed the whole family for just around 20 pounds, and feel like we get to get out, like at home, and not be reckless with our money..i know its not a big deal, but it sure brings me a bit of joy

1497. my fluffy white comforter, detailed with flowers of gray, i spend a lot of time beneath it, it is a little gift

1498. peace and unity, unwavering in my marriage, all praise to Him who oversees. we grow in strength, closer to Him as we cling to each other, and i know this is a rare gift. I all too often take the love and commitment of my husband for granted, i am reminded even know to NOT do that

1499. Iris, Lauren, Hannah, and Giovanna, all lovely ladies that have extended warmth and friendship to me, not as an upper, but as an equal. I am thankful to just have any women community offered because i miss my girlfriends probably the most, if i am honest..

1500. listening to Ben read out loud. He is really getting it!! I can not wait till he can read fluently. Thank you Jesus for helping him connect the dots and strengthening his brain and brilliance. 

1501. extra eye lashes. yeah, i know its stupid, but they are fun and i love to wear them every so often because they make me feel a little extra pretty and i always wanted full voluminous lashes, and now i can. 

1502. the church here. God is present and working in the hearts of these people. He is quiet and steadfast, not having to prove anything, or show off. and yet, He will not be passed over, He does demand attention and acknowledgement. He is a great God, all powerful and all knowing. sure these minds are the brightest, the smartest, the most knowledgeable, but God is. He simply is. and you can't ignore Him. 

1503. Olive's skin has improved wondrously! she does not stick to the strict diet she once had to, because there are different food regulations here that don't allow some of the weird stuff that shows up un food, so she is able to have bread and oatmeal, and pizza without breaking out. she is doing very well. 

1504. I'm healthy again too. walking. carrying kids up hills. pushing a stroller with 100 pounds worth of kid in it, and eating less fast food has all bode well for me. I needed something to push me, or i know i would still be the lazy chip eating couch potato i was before i left. 

1505. laundry machine on the main floor!! in the kitchen!! easy access!!

1491 - 1495

1491. over an hour on the phone w Tammy this morning discussing God, sin, the Bible, and more. She challenges me and I love processing and digging deeper through conversation w her.

1492. the grace to have eyes that have seen God specifically working this past year. in my life. and in those around me.

1493. libby. a friend. a mentor. a teacher. a rabbi. a mom. a coworker. I am learning so much from her.

1494. flannel sheets. so soft and warm and cozy.

1495. Logans croutons on my salad. 

1486-1490.

1486. fall colors. red. orange. yellow. brown. in all their shades.

1487. that I have had the privledge to be a mom three times. I saw a little toddler today with curly ringlets and felt jealous that my kids were already getting so old. And then I realized how blessed I am to have had three beautiful toddlers already.

1488. Essie sand tropez nail polish. 

1489. people. my people. who have my back and call me out on things and see all the sides of me but still love me.

1490. books. books. and more books. especially ones written by Elisabeth Elliot lately. 

1478 - 1485

1478 october 20. 70 degrees + sunny. need i say more? 1479 molly a little more needy than usual, so much extra cuddle time 1480 those little laughs in the swing and down the slide - JOY 1481 an attentive landlord who takes good care of us and our apartment 1482 no hair in the shower drain 1483 i started the process of becoming a patient at dr. denboer's office - i LOVE their philosophy on healthcare and i can't wait for my initial health assessment... [lindsey made me do it] <3 1484 windows open, fans on, t-shirt. okay, i needed to say more. 1485 vitamin d and sunshine and pink cheeks and h a p p i n e s s

1471- 1477

1471 her joyful eyes over skype while she shared how he got down and one knee and now she wears the most gorgeous sparkle on her hand, how he in all patience and Christ-likeness won her heart and her future, and will you stand with me while i make this promise to him? yes, definitely yes. june 24, 2016. 1472 a day out with my molly, a walk through rozelle park on quite possibly the last beautiful day of sun and no coats 1473 the wind that whips through the neighborhood at the top while the leaves still hang on for dear life 1474 a letter in the mail from newaygo county - always joy to find it there in the mailbox and to read heart words on lined paper 1475 unexpected facetimes from jan, especially when baby olive is the first face on the screen like some sort of tiny adult "just calling to say hi" 1476 nate bargatze - my type of comedian, dry, stoic - a gift on these dreary days and sun and warm evaporate into clouds and cold and i need a reason to laugh 1477 the way that molly illicits real laughter from me, the kind of joy that comes from a deep place of knowing the preciousness of grace and gift and dependence and naivete, of promise and hope and safety

1461-1470

1461. surprise interruption face time call from beauty Tammy! she knew we'd be up. i am so glad she called.

1462. a hair dryer gifted to me from mr martin. thoughtful and kind. it's not really a necessity, but i really would use it almost every other day. it was kind of him to grab one for me

1463. little Ginny Martin. a sprite of fresh air and light. love her and honored to have met her and befriend her.

1464. lemon ginger tea that somehow made the cut into the suit case from home. so thankful to have this taste of familiarity here.

1465. much more walking and movement than what i would have pushed myself at home. walking is a neccesity and it only increases my health. i am thankful for the ability to do so.

1466. rainy days here remind me of lindsey bebe. drops hit the window, the sky all sort of grays. stormy and moody-it reminds me of something i love, so the rainy days can be something i love too.

1467. little messages to let me know i am not forgotten. 

1468. a gift of uplifting words on my behalf. thankful to see them as just that, and nothing more. no emotional tie to it, no search for hidden motive. just a gift. and that's what my prayer has been in situations like this. thank you Father for walking with me in light and in truth. 

1469. thankful for the flexibility, up beat attitudes, and adaptability of my children. it has been such a gift of encouragement that my children are thriving and doing well as we have made this huge change. 

1470. carved out time for devotions, prayer, journaling, and meditating on God's Word.

1452- 1460

1452 15 leaders, an hour, cozied in the cabin living room, bread + wine, sharing heart words solely from His words 1453 chilly afternoon of team building at cran-hill 1454 running into 2 of the howe trio at starbucks [of course] - always joy, always gives way to life 1455 a warm cup in my hand, caramel apple spice, complete gift, completely unexpected 1456 when i'm holding molly and she pushes away a bit and looks me in the eyes 1457 "uh-oh" coming from that no-longer-tiny baby who walks now too 1458 those few tired cuddles that she still gives out, even though involuntarily 1459 alissa. listener. truth-teller. vulnerable. loves like Jesus. 1460 short phone conversation with a dear brother. also listener and vulnerable and one who speaks truth.

1441.-1451

1441.  oh i don't know...going from 50% funded for England to 90% in less than 8 days?!! Thank you Thank you Father for your good and perfect gifts. You are our Provider.

1442. the generous generous families of Crossroads that have graciously poured into our tiny ministry with joy, sharing in their hard earned resources to get us to England. this communicates to us that they believe in what we are doing, and push us forward in blessing.

1442. a renter for our house while we are gone. trustworthy people that were found through trustworthy connections. 

1443. a very kind and generous property manager that has taken the load off of us considerably and is helping in so many ways.

1444. a 4 hour heart to heart with the wounded one, and yet, little pockets of joy and laughter were found. a baby budding friendship has been formed. 

1445. letters written. letters responded to. love is spoken to me this way.

1446. steadfastness, integrity, and honor found in my husband. over and over again, i watch him make good, hard, decisions with discernment and not giving in to what the popular, easier way may be. he chooses the right, God honoring way-whether people are watching or not. 

1447. i needed to still purchase shampoo and conditioner for when we are gone because i don't know what will be available to me when we get there and i am also worried about the hardness of the water, so i really wanted to invest in some good quality product and yesterday chelsea handed me two brand new bottles of my favorite shampoo and conditioner from the salon. wow. wow. how are you so aware Father of even my littlest needs?

1448. a generous and thoughtful family has opened their basement for us to store extra belongings and furniture so we don't have to pay for a storage unit. 

1449. lunch with rod and libby. honored to be given their time and friendship. humbled that they would choose to pour into us and offer wisdom and tenderness. encouraged and uplifted by them in this upcoming season and we feel so thankful knowing they are in our corner. 

1450. the paternal love we receive from neil. he is kind, gentle, humble, and one of the smartest human beings on the planet. thankful for his encouragement, guidance, and patience as we figure out how to get there..

1451. thankful, thankful, thankful. everything is a gift. 

1432 - 1440

1432 these last few sunrises on the way to work 1433 open windows and cool nights for optimal sleeping 1434 open doors and good conversations, walks downtown, new friends, iced tea 1435 applesauce pouches operable by the sweetest little molly babe 1436 a quick sams club trip with linds, for healthy food and plastic plates 1437 a successful argument, diffused, forgiven, baby bird maturity 1438 more time with rach. better boundaries, whole, healthy. 1439 katie's renewed health and joy and long friendship 1440 philippians 2. be like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. do nothing out of selfish ambition. have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, who did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage, rather He made Himself nothing...

1422-1431

1422. fall. structure. schedule. school. 

1423. another good bike ride and those concrete steps on division.

1424. a 3.2 run. completed. 

1425. solid preaching and teaching. truth to rely on.

1426. genuine friends. who I never have to be fake with. to be known and still loved.

1427. MLB baseball game to see matt.

1428. smoothies every morning.

1429. children's hospital so close to home. just a flu. nothing worse. and the resident director personally helping. 

1430. some direction. some plan. some movement. not the direction I hoped but I know it's in His hands. 

1431. a restful and full summer. good memories with the girls exploring northern Michigan. 

1418 - 1422

1418 thick (but not too thick) fog under morning street lights 1419 a quiet hour after work with no tv shows screaming from other rooms 1420 the playground at the kroc center and some of the summer's best laughs 1421 a little sunburn? its been too long 1422 15 glorious minutes of "foot massages" and "back massages" from 2 7-year-old "professionals"

1409-1417

1409. sitting in this dry desert, murky depression clouding our view, but God is here. He is present and He will be a light onto our path.

1410. wisdom gently given by close brothers and sisters offering life boats and rafts for which i am thankful that the life guards keep watch and care.

1411. cleaning the bedroom and vacuuming it so we can take the last pictures to post online to rent our house out. check that off the list. grateful sigh. 

1412. overhearing my husband singing and dancing on the dining room wooden floor. i needed to witness that.

1413. brothers reece and jackson were at church today. so so good to connect and laugh with these gentle hearted giants. never enough time.

1414. choosing discernment and reservation when interacting with her. she is not a threat to me. she has no hold over me. i can be Christ to her, share kindness and gentleness with her and still continue to keep a healthy boundary.

1415.  a couple of random visits on the couch with friends. these fill me up.

1416. 3 new dresses, a pair of pants, and a couple shirts all given to me brand new, straight off the rack, at no charge whatsoever. humbled at the generosity and thankful for the gifts. 

1417. he is sitting next to me, in a solid and ambitious mind set, purposed to get shit done and in pleasant spirits. 

1401 - 1408

1401 all the wind today while driving south, home from the natural beauty of northern michigan [lower peninsula] 1402 the big dip in 131, just south of cadillac 1403 piggyback rides for elsie 1404 campfire s'mores with little braided heads 1405 bike riding with hayleigh and maverick. when i asked mav what his favorite parts of the trip were he named that little evening ride down the trail that stretches for miles just outside the camp 1406 dirty and sweaty with the amey girls - pop-up camper, blue-water beaches, high ropes course, traverse city shopping with free cherry samples and ice cream and [the best ever] pizza 1407 a hat 1408 the anticipation of that patagonia one-shoulder bag coming in the mail

1396 - 1400

1396.  Kelly's wildflower garden with the bending stone path

1397.  Kids rainbow-colored chalk art covering 7 sidewalk squares on my run this morning

1398.  Round 2 of chana masala #janamasala

1399.  Round 1 of Indian food with jan pan. Butter chicken, masala, naan, papadams + chutneys, Punjabi chai <3

1400.  time to listen and talk and release the words that describe the state of my heart. because sometimes just saying the words makes room for joy to reinhabit.

1384-1395

1384. after a day of work, a clean house. 

1385. dory has a new loving home.

1386. with all my friends moving away, a couple are moving back!

1387. August. meaning now there is only 27 days until school starts.

1388. nordhouse dunes.

1389. a five hour drive down the west Michigan coast alone.

1390. rockwells w my girls. 

1391. a beautiful blue coffee mug from up north to remind me to pray for them.

1392. that Jesus came to free us from the sin that so easily entangles our hearts.

1393. available friends to chat at a moments notice.

1394. summer storms.

1395. Elisabeth Elliot. and Jim Elliot. 

1376-1383

1376.  i don't always know what to do with his love that is offered so freely and gently, but i am thankful for it.  such a good good shepherd. 

1377. thankful for the prayers lifted by so many, my mom's name on their lips. thankful we aren't fighting this cancer battle alone. 

1378. thankful for close friends that ever constant in times of accountability needed, in times of needing truth and sound judgment. thankful that sisters are willing to help guide and direct me without harsh or condemning tones. i want to listen and heed their instruction because they are wise and wounds from friends can be trusted.

1379. thankful for a middle ground with her. there is a mutual respect that was not there before. there is peace for the moment and i am thankful.

1380. for the book of Psalms. it is such a drink of water in a parched season. so thankful for this Living Water. thank you Father for your Word. 

1381. exciting things in the works!! top secret for now, but believe me-it is awakening a renewed heart of gratitude and joy. Praise God for His good gifts and His perfect plan. 

1382. Olive's legs look really good for a moment. after a bleach bath, spraying her wounds with vinegar and then sealing her with bag balm, i put tights on her to protect her from scratching. within two days, she is looking so much better. and she isn't on medication right now either. so i am so thankful for any relief she is given, no matter how short. 

1383. a beautiful surprise gift from a dear friend, a lovely dark green dress along with a diamond studded head band. what a gift that so was unexpected and given for no reason. thankful. 

1368-1375

1368.  letter from rome, in an airport, from him, the kind and gentle shepherd. so humbled and thankful and full of joy that he would take the time to write me back after offering him a tiny humble gift.

1369. a renewed love for the Word. Here i've been watching this whole time, as Lindsey eats the Word every day, holds it in her hands, digests it, and breaks pieces off and shares it with others, and i hadn't eaten it for a long time. And now, i find myself craving it. wanting to taste the choice fruits, the Bread of Life. I am sorrowful for the meals i skipped, but thankful there is plenty still to feast on. The Word is Life. 

1370. a day of showering, blow drying my hair, and relaxing time of actually putting on makeup, which is a little delight to me, and finding a bit of beauty for that day. it was a little gift for me to tuck in my heart since beauty days seem so far and away these days. 

1371. two little white dresses on my girls. golden pineapples and crosses make my heart melt. 

1372. 3 whole days of blemish free skin on little olive. we are still hopeful she will be washed white as snow and be free of this stupid skin disease.

1373. dinner with James and Lex. real and raw and so life giving. 

1374. dinner with just Libby. humbled and honored to have her sit at my table and eat my heartfood. 

1375. mom has cancer but it is much more hopeful than first thought. it is aggressive, it HAS spread past the lump, but not to vital organs or lymph nodes. Praise God. It will be removed. there will be chemo and radiation, but God is faithful and will walk with us. 

1360 - 1367

1360 pool-side chats with reem - truth-teller - reminding me what's good and important and lasting 1361 park trail bike rides with littles, one new 2-wheeler-rider!!! 1362 fresh fresh black raspberries bursting with antioxidants and... stainability 1364 successful olive garden surprise for our very-loved lindsey joy 1365 new activity agenda complete with new app and bridge run looming ahead 1366 online shopping with amazon points. so. many. free. things. 1367 that Christmas-morning-feeling when a new brown package lands at my door

1346-1359

1346. summer adventures with my little girls.
1347. sitting on the beach watching leena dig in the sand.
1348. running around the zoo with liv and leen.
1349. hiking at rosy mounds on a cloudy evening.
1350. camping in cadillac in our new popup camper. 
1351. campfires & smores.
1352. a new swingset in the backyard.
1353. that my friends are in israel learning and experiencing where Jesus walked. 
1354. staying in contact with friends even when they are across the country or the world. good practice for this next year.
1355. 31 years of life. and hope that year 31 will be better than year 30.
1356. a weekend up north with some of my favorites. relaxing. peaceful. restful. fun. joyful. 
1357. a steadfast God in spite of a broken world.
1358. sleeping in.
1359. christmas is less than 6 months away :) 

1336 - 1345

1336 the Grand Tetons 1337 pine tree-lined mountain lakes 1338 a stand up paddle board with room for a little one to ride along and for me to learn some balance 1339 24 hours in the car with leah (and olivia), time to catch up on e v e r y t h i n g 1340 sweet little girl who talks more than i can keep up with and can do [almost] everything that an adult can 1341 downtown victor, a mile up the road 1342 the coolest cruiser bike that i'll enjoy for the next few days 1343 making the nate + laura + tripelroot brewery connection 1344 a long nap for little o and some quiet time for me 1345 i reached ezra yesterday, after a long study from saul to david through the kings and exile in babylon - our God was just as faithful then as now

1329 - 1335

1329 all the kings who "did what was right in the eyes of the Lord" 1330 san chez birthday dinner with the dearest friends. and fritos de queso azul, sangria, flourless chocolate torte. 1331 unexpected little gifts - granola from supermom jeanne, chalkboard treasures from thoughtful gift-giver lindsey (the same one who shares so much of her time with me), that meal, free for me, from baby c and carol - not cheap, and so kind, and san chez will always remind me of you two. 1332 st. louis weekend with this sweet friend, this friendship that started in jerusalem almost 9 years ago, and she welcomes me to her home to make my time here special, amidst the chaos that she feels 1333 cora-sue. that smile and those eyes. tiny baby, gift to these 2. 1334 city museum adventure. the craziest "museum" you'll ever see. designed by an artist - hours of wandering, climbing, crawling, sliding through this giant play place for both adults and kids. blew my mind. 1335 birthday dinner with kate and gina. pizza and south-of-the-boarder chopped salad. both most delicious. and conversation about jesus and grace and family, death and life.

1323.-1328

1323. two large peonies cut by the neighbor and sent along with my littles.  they gave them me along with the message, "God loves you Mom!" could not have come at a better time.

1324. a dear sister friend, stopping by at a moment's notice, with lunch, to minister and encourage, to offer wisdom. she can be trusted at all times. 

1325. pico de gallo

1326. our vision and next step forward being received and supported fully by our beloved church family.

1327. the gentle demeanor of my husband. he is tired and worn from working hard core continually to provide and prepare our fam for the next step and i came home crying and discouraged and so disheartened. he woke up [i did not wake him] and turned on the light and listened and listened to me spill the nights unfoldings and offered gentle encouragement and warmth. he is such a safe haven. 

1328. my son is learning to have a character of thoughtfulness and unselfishness. he serves his sisters, assists me in so many ways, and i am just so thankful at who he is becoming. like jesus. 

1316- 1322

1316 those bold purple irises in bunches, all tall and regal next to grey-blue houses 1317 mini pansies, especially the two-toned violet ones 1318 a fellow walker that baby m and i passed this morning and she gushed over the happy baby and her sweet little name 1319 humbling and life-giving message and job recommendation from someone who has apparently observed my interactions for some time 1320 katie's [totally unexpected] notice that next weekend will be eventful 1321 photobook for j+e - pictures from last summer that i didn't think i would ever find 1322 lower numbers on the scale

1312-1315

1312. grapefruit scented candle, sits quietly on our coffee table, gently releasing the smell of freshly cut citrus

1313. slept hard early this morning after being abruptly awakened by our youngest howling. after she was attended too, i was able to go promptly back to sleep for another two hours. 

1314. did the steps 6 times this week, the X 3 times with nathan, and a 3.2 mile hike with the girls. I am thankful there is a quiet, yet steady improvement each time i strive. i would love to keep this up.

1315. the game Catchphrase. It's one of my favorite games and i don't get to play it very often. tonite we did and i had a lot of fun.

1314. peace and joy in my marriage. we have come out of a moody, cantankerous crusty season, but we are striving for unity and kindness, patience and love.  our 8 year anniversary is coming up on the 15th of june!

1315. the words and encouragement of others. words of kindness and thoughtfulness go such a long way with me, i am so thankful for them and tuck them away and remember them with fondness..

1305-1311

1305. one foot in front of the other. slow, steady, consistent. it is not a race, and i am thankful for two strong legs that can take me places. they submit to me and follow my commands. they may want to scream every once in a while, but they obey, and they will take me on adventures. Israel is not far away and we will be ready. 

1306. thankful for this gift of awakening that can only be given by the Father Himself, myself alone, in all my weakness would not be able to posses this determination of my own accord. thankful that during this training time, this refining time physically, i am not discouraged. i am strengthened. i am humbled, and He still sustains me. I am being stretched in every way, and yet He has given me a joy that is full and deep. I am learning once again to hazek with Him, one foot in front of the other, and I am so thankful for His gentle presence. 

1307. thankful for a husband is over abundant with support and encouragement. he rearranges and shifts around his schedule, in order to give me as much opportunity to train and prep my crusty body for Israel. He assists with my jobs at home to give me more chances and to relieve stress. so thankful for his unselfishness. he loves me so much. 

1308. cuddles ALL day with little koko. she was wet with fever, delirious with heat and sweat, yet she still wanted mom to never be too far away. i didn't mind her sticky little bag of bones in my lap. 

1309. thankful for her, finding room in her important life, for insignificant me. for sweeping me under her wing, caring enough about me to push me, to encourage me, to learn me. she humbles me by coming into my home, eating at my table, and i am so so thankful that she would make any room for me at all. i understand this could only be a season, but for the moment, i am thankful.

1310. lots of girl time lately. i know the days are numbered, so i am cherishing the girly laughter and the chit chat and the camaraderie..

1311. hot days filled with heat, damp, and cold cokes.

1299-1304

1299 savor [shauna niequist] page 47. 1300 a new start for the Knowing God group. thankful for humble dialogue with our servant-leader 1301 2 babies. john and kristian are having TWINS!! 1302 iced soy chai. 1/2 the ice. and a friendly barista. made my afternoon. 1303 morning church with j+k and mom+dad. hopeful new prospect for a shepherd for ada crc 1304 benign diagnosis for dad's basal cell carcinoma

1291-1298.

1291. ben's first written, illustrated, and bound book that he created all by himself. it is a short story about a dragon who needs to figure out a way to clean out his cave. so thankful that i have a son who loves to write and create as much as his mama. 

1292. texts that fly across the country in an instant, technology can be a good thing, in the way it connects two people in no time at all. [im talking about you, linds]

1293. palm trees. finding spots exposed to direct sunlight. blue skies with no clouds to be seen. we are here in California and i am so thankful.

1294. pick up conversations with mom e. love that no time or distance really affects our relationship. thankful for her, her hospitality and kindness, and her laughter still rings the loudest notes.

1295. after a long and taxing flight, the first ever in all of our travels ever, we made it here. i am humbled to have been so helpless and not able to have much control over my daughter's harrowing screams, but i am all the more thankful for the peace and quiet, for her joy after the turmoil.

1296. two pairs of sunglasses

1297. extra clothes given generously for my daughter, blessed by the generosity and kindness.

1298.  than's acceptance letter into Oxford. praise the Lord.

1281-1290

1281a. tiny dog on my foot keeps me warm 1281b. cuddles with husband in the morning and two days of peace. 1282. dread of going to the gym but thankfulness for the gift of the gym. 1283. lazy morning finally, reading, blogging, letter writing, praying, thanking 1284. a circle of 4-5 women who will never give up on me and follow me into eternity around me. 1285. that this earth is short. 1286. leather couches. 1287. coffee with bosses who are the best in the world and send little love texts post coffee that fill the cup 1288. mickey. 1289. Weekends away for a job trip when it is most needed. OHIO HERE I COME. 1290. tiny dog licks.

1276 - 1280

1276 solid baby poops. they don't leak through clothes and dirty entire outfits. 1277 sweet corn, pears, and pineapple baby food. it honestly brought me a lot of joy to taste-test it and then to watch baby m enjoy it so much. 1278 king josiah. became king at age 8, reigned in jerusalem for 31 years. "he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and followed completely the ways of his father david, not turning aside to the right or to the left." 1279 savor. new book, in the mail, on its way to my door. 1280 humility. one of the greatest gifts God gives. that necessary reminder that my reputation is as dust, gone with one strong wind. but that wind, the Spirit of Life, takes away the dust and the chaff so only the valuable remains. and in Him is all my worth.

1267 - 1275

1267 his request for my new address, that warm and constant reminder that their home is mine, if ever i choose 1268 a sister trip in the works! surprised that we've never done this before... 1269 online classes. challenging as it is some weeks to keep up with the work, i'm always humbled and inspired by these classmates, the teachers, the homework - the self-work 1270 linnea. a new friend in ny who reached out to me on fb because of something i posted in a forum about grace. a sister in Christ a few states away, but with so much in common 1272 shauna niequist. gifted writer and sister and mentor, whose words keep me company when i need to hear a voice 1273 what started as a study of the life of david and seeped into a kings study - has shown me distinctly the heart the pleases God - "and he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord as his father david had done" - and i humbly ask for the same 1274 growing travel fund 1275 matt + sara going to europe in june and sara will spend a week with janita and see papa's farm. i've always wished. someday still...

1261- 1266

1261 lots of family time this week. mom and dad's visit friday night. [almost] everybody at ross+kristi's saturday afternoon, and then an extra few hours with the twins saturday night 1262 icelandic style yogurt 1263 a great small group time last night. these young ladies are honest and wise and dealing with real challenges, they like boys, and they love us and each other 1264 a beautiful church just a few houses from me, where the people are kind and joyful, the preaching is gospel-centered, and the women wear hats 1265 a growing travel fund 1266 a couple of salon hours with c + a trim and lighter ends

1248-1260

1248. fan buzzing taking away all sound elsewhere. 1249. a friendship Id call redemption and nights on couches with that book spilled over our laps studying things we will soon see.... 1250. this diffuser kicking out steam filled with rich oils. 1251. even when it is hard, unconditional love that shows me how to love unconditionally. 1252. mikaela. 1253. 28 years that my husband has been alive. 1254. warmth, a furnace that works, and also weather where it is not necessary. 1255. friends that listen and respond that I know I can be completely and fully myself and yet they will love me no matter what. 1256. april 14th, such a significant day... you know who you are. thankful for you. 1257. encouragement from so many people. sort of overwhelming.  1258. love. even in its broken messy we need Jesus state. i love love & im thankful. 1259. the ache in my muscles which means i am accomplishing something. 1260. another goodnight which means Gods accomplished His will for today.

1238-1247

1238. i have gotten away from a heart of gratitude, allowing myself to be distracted by broken things, fear, anxiety, and pits in my stomach. that changes today.

1239. thankful for a planned date tonite gifted by my husband, complete with him finding a babysitter as well.

1240. thankful for those dumb steps on Godfry. flights and flights of concrete stacked on top of itself, and it burns my legs, my lungs, but it is only strengthening me for Israel. its a hate/but thankful relationship.

1241. 6 more days until we leave for beautiful California. so thankful for that upcoming time of rest and being able to breathe for a good second with my whole family. 

1242. communication, though it is hard at times, thankful for friends who are willing to talk through the hard stuff and still be sitting there on the other side. thankful for peace. so thankful for peace.

1243. modern medicine to aide me while i have this horrible toothache. 

1244. a change in my youngest daughter's demeanor. as her skin clears, so her attitude improves drastically. blesses my heart to see her happy and curious, not uncomfortable in her own body, digging at her sweet skin.

1245. when my sweet son takes the time to tell me what a great mom i am, that he thinks i am beautiful, and he is so quick to obey and help around the house. so thankful for his little light that shines.

1246. my new Polaroid camera. so cute and i love the little pictures that spill out!

1247. pedicure with a french tip

1229- 1237

1229 legs and ankles that work. they don't have to, but they do! i can run and walk and push strollers and climb on playground equipment, up and down stairs. 1230 squealing baby in swing, so pleased to be outside in the warm air, under blue skies 1231 bright green spring grass 1232 daniel tiger's neighborhood 1233 food journaling. creates awareness, empowers. 1234 new home with my dear rachael. the neighborhood. the family-friendly streets around our apartment, parks and schools within walking. 1235 riverside park less than 1/2 mile away! 1236 warm/cool april evenings. perfect, just perfect for an adventure out of doors 1237 that moment when i realized that the white pine trail is r i g h t t h e r e . right there. right next to the park. so close to home. [now i just need a bike]

1221-1228

1221. window open this evening, love the sound of the strip of rain puddle being pulled by tires. 1222. Living in the light: as linds previously said,  Sin has lost its grip on me!!
1223. nathan had cleaned the whole house by the time I arrived at home this morning. what a huge gift.
1224. Impromptu dinner date with the Garlets and the Garters.
1225. Dubsmash is my favorite.
1226. Italian lentil soup, French bread with chopped parsley dipping oil, gluten free textured corn bread made with love by professor Ben. crisp summer salad drizzled with chels' homemade balsamic Dijon dressing..mmmmm...
1227. strength to write the letter, strength [only He can give] to send it to its intended recipient
1228. 13 days till we head to california!!

1209-1220

1209. strength from Jesus alone in the storm and chaos

1210. friends that don't just spend time with me, but ask to pray with me and then cover my family in prayer in that moment and each day

1211. a bunch of yummy Easter desserts

1212. Breckin on a bike

1213. sin's curse has lost its grip on me

1214. that encouragement is only a text away

1215. and that encouragement is always available in His word

1216. the grass is turning more green

1217. there is rain in the forecast all week

1218. calligraphy

1219. my piano getting some use

1220. an encouraging phone call today

1203-1208

1203.  Bengali Mama Episode 9 is just about up! So thankful that this little dream is still living and breathing, and that i have a husband who also happens to be a video producer who supports me endlessly and edits in the late hours so we can have a good quality production to offer others. it brings me so much joy to make these little cooking videos. thank you Jesus for the little passion.

1204. thankful for my three growing children. Ben, full of brilliance and questions and smarty pantsness all his own, and only at age 5..my Norah, beautiful and sweet, full of honeycomb words for her mama, kisses for little sissy, and a great amount of adoration and respect for her big brother. love her crazy obsession for pretty dresses, lip gloss, and perfume, but also, what confidence she has! And my little Olive, sweet and giggly when she's feeling cheerful and healthy, crawling all over the place and always looking for another family member to be nearby. she loves the cuddles and to wrestle, and eat. the girl can pack it away. love her so much. 

1205. looks like we're headed to England this fall. Is this even real?! humbled in every way, to serve beneath a godly man we love and respect in the highest regard, that he still after all this talk and tug and prayer and questions, STILL is eager to invite us, draw us out, and purposely want us there with him. we feel so small and unworthy, yet we do not want to squander this gift to be used in which ever way, through worship ministry, through teaching, through children's ministry, through hearty hospitality and homemade meals..sigh..loving all this dreaming and also moving quickly to reality. Praise be to God. 

1206. so so so looking forward to heading to California in just a few short weeks. Thankful for the financial provision, for the final bit of down time that Nathan will be able to have, and thankful our whole family will get to be together uninterrupted-in sunshine, celebrating with delicious food and wine, with gorgeous scenic hikes, family time with mom and dad english, and can't forget In N Out! Thank you so much Jesus for this upcoming trip!!

1207. thankful for the washer and dryer. when clothes finally get washed, it feels like i get a whole new wardrobe. 

1208. surprise kind words from meagan. for her to take the time to compliment me and speak of my little tiny beauty and lift me up, was such an incredible gift-especially since she doesn't hand them out freely. a cherished present. 

1193 - 1202

1193 baja shrimp tacos with creamy chipotle sauce, red cabbage, cilantro - [rusty taco] - delicious 1194 a few afternoon and evening hours with matthew + lisa. their insight, passion, patience + wisdom. it is a gift to be invited into this home, to hear their love for the Church. they ask questions, challenge me, and make observations about what they see in my life, draw me out, and push me to engage with my habits, my fears. all in gentleness and love. 1195 the still-standing invitation to make my home here 1196 frozen black grapes 1197 messages and phone calls from my lindsey joy, keeping me present in her tender heart and her wise thoughts, an honor. 1198 a new home, a quiet street, affordable rent (even cheaper than we had thought!), with rach, all our own space. excited for the first week of april. 1199 sermon from 2 corinthians 10 - placing ourselves underneath the authority of God's word rather than lording ourselves over it with our opinions, our likes and dislikes, criticisms. 1200 seeing j. walk over the 11th st. bridge, home from church. no conversation, not even eye contact. just knowing the kind of man that he is, the depth to which he loves God and loves people - convicts me and challenges me. God, teach me to have this kind of heart for You. 1201 gold medal park with the boys. the ups and downs on the hill, both on and off the path. the view of the water, the old stone arch bridge, and the old gold medal mill to the south. 1202 the deep blue guthrie theater with its floating appendage projecting towards the water

1186-1192

1186. I'm getting my hair done right now by Chelsea. she is really good at hair and it's so restful to have her do it. and I get a head massage :)

1187. Tuesday date nights at Rockwell Republic.

1188. Thursday mornings with my married ladies.

1189. learning Gods faithfulness by experience and in His word.

1190. Bike rides. walks in the cemetary. being outside. 

1191. the colors of the sun. I notice the sunsets and sunrises every day now from my upstairs windows and I am thankful to enjoy His creation. 

1192. encouragement from so many people. some I know well, others I only know in passing. but all encouragement.

1181 - 1185

1181 an hour with prasanth, jordan, and julie and j+j's precious kids. connect 4, frozen yogurt, and conversation in spanish and english. 1182 brian ivie's testimony or how God showed him his need and changed everything. 1183 The Drop Box movie. story of one man's selflessness, because, as p put it, pastor lee loved out of his own fullness[Jesus], not because he was striving to fill any lack. 1184 these sunrises on the way to work 1185 molly's giggle

1171-1180

1171.  the sunshine bursting through the windows

1172. the soft reminder from a friend where my vision and heart for the kitchen belongs. thankful for the renewed desire to serve the ones i love over serving the masses, and to perfect my few recipes well, rather than cranking out half assed ones.

1173. thankful for the stupid ymca that we all the sudden have been headed to 3-4 times a week to train for Israel. as much as i hate it, i am thankful for a spot to work out, step outside of my comfort zone, and kill pride that thinks i don't need to be there. because i do. and it is good and healthy to care for my temple.

1174. tiny toms for olive.

1175. murgh mhakni. made by my little hands.

1176. russ' lunch date with ben. so fun to get him all to myself and listen to him talk more than he normally would. thankful for the young man he is becoming.

1177. thursday mornings.

1178. met for coffee with e. and you know what? it was peaceful and good. there is a quiet mutual respect there that wasn't there before. we are equal and that is a gift i am so thankful for. she is not above me, nor am i below her. we walk the same ground and we move forward in peace. beyond thankful.

1179. its easier with the other e too. God is just giving me gifts of peace among men and helping navigate war zones with love, patience, and a gracious spirit. Only in Him can rest and reconciliation be known.

1180. torah class was so good and full of God's word and new revelations. thankful for the ability to learn.

1168-1170

1168 just the right amount of sleep last night so that i can get things done when baby takes her naps, i'm not even tempted to fall asleep with her 1169 this girl asleep on my lap, exhausted, because she has a respiratory virus, and with it the most terrible-sounding cough you ever did hear coming from a little 4-month-old body. but, the gift in all of it is that she falls asleep all the time, and still smiles the other half of the time, and i get all the cuddles 1170 challenge from a good friend, an assertive one, she challenges me to stop and think about my feelings because my tendency would be to neglect myself and to push forward to achieve what's best for everyone else. but. God works through our feelings. and so i stop to consider them. and in that quiet place, i learn more than in the busyness.

1159- 1167

1159 flip flops in february. 1160 a pedicure gift. and the greatest new OPI color. chelsea, can you tell me what it's called? i can't remember. 1161 touring a new city with an old friend 1162 dallas art museum, with a like-minded art lover. european, impressionism, realism, photorealism, furniture design 1163 klyde warren park. opened in 2012, a major highway was rerouted underground to create space for this park in the middle of downtown dallas. amazing. 1164 challenging conversation, spending time outside of my regular element. a refreshing perspective. 1165 a possibility in the future? and that it asks for greater dependence on God's timing and His wisdom + my patience and obedience. 1166 a changed flight, to avoid an ice storm 1167 a few days away. a breath of fresh [warm] air

1143 - 1158

1143 a saturday where his kiss awakes me but i get to stay in bed all bundled in flannel sheets with milly at my feet 1144 this new schedule of paint then cut and color than paint 1145 alone for a few hours catching up on photo projects and reading blogs ive missed 1146 the shadows on this wall my fingers dancing along typing 1147 someone knocks at the door and i have the luxury to ignore it as im stuck in my bed 1148 the soothing gray of the walls 1149 that we are this far in our thankfulness adventure andthat i have friends who love to love their lives with me 1150 hibernation 1151 a day spread out in front of me with nothing to have to do nowhere to have to be nothing i have to be a day of rest 1152 i am loved 1153 the look on his face when i introduce him to clients 1154 clients that i love and that love me and that i learn to connect and become family with 1155 the way paint drips down a canvas in a convenient and satisfying way 1156 fellowship and giddy laffing (I know thats spelled wrong I wanted to try it) last night with two kindred spirit friends 1157 fish tacos 1158 hannah

1133-1142

1133. the sound the electric tea kettle makes as it buzzes and rattles to let me know a hot drink is ready to be made. 

1134. hearty laughter and quality time with T, staying up till 2:30 in the morning laughing over "feature family films" or is it "feature family for friendly films"? ha. i guess we'll never know. that and new eyes for us to examine, praying with her that one set of eyes would mirror her own heart and soul..

1135. grace for the weak and tired moments. rest for the weary and worn out times. permission and actual command to be still and know Him.  in these weird sick and worn down seasons, it is a gift to recognize His presence and joy in the mundane.

1136. overhearing words of kindness and tenderness between my son and his little sisters. 

1137. peach prosecco candle, along with pineapple coconut lit at the end of the night to signify rest and quiet for me. 

1138. nutella. strawberries. bananas. semi sweet chocolate.

1139. the gift and delight that comes from giving and surprising, not always from receiving.

1140. little updates from her, encouraging us that our prayers have not been in vain, and that little bits of fruit are being revealed to an ever growing garden of healthy  newly planted fruit.. [by their fruits you will know them.]

1141. putting away clean laundry. 

1142.  "new" boots given to me by my sister, all the way up to the knee.  love them.

1143-1154

1143. heart cookies with purple frosting for our neighbors

1144. it wasn't a struggle to think of a gift to give 

1145. the old school version of the parent trap

1146. everyone cuddling on the couch

1147. a warm crackling fire

1148. reading for almost an hour in Barnes and Noble with no kids and a Starbucks coffee 

1149. second movie out in a week

1150. shared food and drink

1151. healing from strep throat

1152. my journal and my Bible

1153. books

1154. this truth: "Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." {Romans 8:35,37}

1117-1132

1117. school projects with Hayleigh.

1118. restful morning with Leena in bed. her, watching PBS kids on my phone & me reading.

1119. books. insight and wisdom shared.

1120. mom willing to watch the girls anytime.

1121. 2 of the best bosses.

1122. the support of the board of elders.

1123. coffee at WSB with M. peaceful. fun. free. healing. reconciled. forgiveness.

1124. friends. I have the best friends. I could name them all, but there are too many. so many people care about me.

1125. words of encouragement. today.

1126. words of affirmation. today from 3 different people.

1127. a strong desire to just be, to spend extended time, with God.

1128. San chez. fried cheese, empanadas, and sangria. blessed at just the right moment.

1129. new jeans.

1130. fresh snow.

1131. the 10 commandments & the sermon on the mount.

1132. faithfulness. God's faithfulness.

1111.-1116.

1111. sick this week, don't know where it came from, the last few days knocked me out. nathan was so patient and helpful, serving me in quiet gentle ways, giving room for me to rest. he took the two olders grocery shopping so i could rest with baby and was just so tender with me. i could not thank him enough for his patience and ability to nurture me well.

1112. little blue tea pot. it always comes out with company so it is gift to me knowing that friendship, conversation, and hot tea tag along with it.

1113. beautiful hearted Ben, choosing on his own accord to be a "photogwaphewr" for career day at school. love that he has a dad to look up to respect, and thankful for the unique and brilliant boy he is in himself, so thankful for him.

1114. phone chats with linnie joy. we both dread the phone, but we set it aside to share hearts and lift up the weaknesses in need of prayer.

1113. little koko, sitting in the sun, coloring and content, her heart and smile shine just as bright, she is my delight and my little song. 

1114. and Liv. she is growing in her ever changing skin, it is cooled down from all the fiery eczema speckled all over her body, as we figure out how to treat and diminish that, she grows more content and joyful, and ventures out to explore

1115. thankful for the hard opportunities that present themselves in order to teach me and refine me to seek His face and glory in all things. to practice humility which i am so quick to preach, but can i put it in action when it comes down to it? when he asks me to bow low, to set myself aside, to put another's needs before my own, to not be acknowledged..i pray i can prove faithful, and humbled to be tested.

1116.  reconciliation. even that he would go as far to phone me, [his sister], to express love and forgiveness and a mutual respect and adoration.